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Thursday, May 13, 2004

JUST CALL ME REVEREND

On April 1st, April Fool’s Day, I was ordained as a Reverend in the Church of Universal Life....and that’s no joke.

Universal Life Church provides free legal ordination of anyone for the asking online. All you have to do is go to www.ulchq.com and click on “Ordination.” There you can fill out a brief request to be ordained. Within a week or two you will receive your credentials by mail. It’s pretty simple and I gotta admit it’s kinda fun as well.

As a Reverend, I can ordain others, officiate weddings and funerals as well as baptize, among other things. Now this doesn’t mean I’m gonna go around doing any of these things. In fact, the very idea that I am an ordained minister may be considered sacriligious to some people. But the point is that I am. So if you don’t like it...go to Hell! Seriously, I think I can say that with some measure of expertise backing me up now.


WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE?

Remember when this show was funny? For the past 5 years at least, this one time late night staple has sucked big time. I don’t even know who to blame...there is so much wrong it’s hard to point the finger in just one direction. The writing has been crummy. The acting and delivery has been bush league. The edge to that show is just gone.

I know it can be better than this. I really don’t think they’re trying to hard enough to be cutting edge anymore. They seem to be content with mediocrity over there at 30 Rockefeller Center.

It’s not that I don’t think the talent there is good. I honestly believe the performers themselves are funny people. But there is a world of difference between being funny and being funny on television. It’s two totally different worlds.

That’s all I really want to say for right now. I really just wanted to briefly let everyone know that I think SNL is horrible right now. But soon enough, I am going to write a column going over point by point how to help right the ship that is SNL...because right now that ship is sinking.


DETROIT LIONS DRAFT OVERVIEW; SEASON PREVIEW

Ok, just briefly I feel like waxing moronic about the Detroit Lions 2004 draft picks and my outlook for their season. Join me, won’t you?


Draft Overview
The Lions had, in my opinion, the best draft of the year and probably the best draft of the last couple years. They were able to grab some impact players at several positions early and often...without giving much up.

First up was Roy Williams, standout wide receiver from Texas. This was a great first pick. I figured they would take TE Kellen Winslow or S Sean Taylor, but I have to admit, I like this choice better. Check out our receiver corps now! We got Roy Williams on one side with last years first rounder Charles Rogers on the other. Add to that Az-Zahir Hakim and Tai Streets and my Lions could have one of the most potent receiver threats in the league. If Joey Harrington can’t produce some numbers this year, it may be time to look for a new QB. I love the guy, personally. He’s nice, humble and conducts himself with a lot of maturity...which is a lot more than you can say for too many NFL players. He’s been in the league for two full seasons now, neither one showing much in terms of stats. However, he has demonstrated moments of brilliance...and he has too many weapons at his disposal now to have another crappy year. So I’m very optimistic. I’m rooting for you, Joey H.

Kevin Jones was our second first round pick...a great move shuffling draft order by GM Matt Millen. In probaby the only great move Millen has made in his tenure in Detroit, we were able to select this awesome RB from Virginia Tech. With him in the backfield along with a healthy Artose Pinner, things are looking up for the Lions’ ground game.

On the defensive side of the ball, we were able to snatch Teddy Lehman, a linebacker from Oklahoma. This guy won the Butkus Award for his defense, so I was extremely please to have him on our side. I look for him to make a difference for us early...I think he may be that damn good.


Season Outlook
My Lions have had a pretty lame past several years, rarely finishing the year anywhere except dead last in our division. I was very optimistic last year with the hiring of Coach Mariucci...but we only managed to win 5 games (still none on the road). Admittedly, that was better than the year before that, but it still sucks. However, the injury bug bit us on the ass something awful. Damn near half our roster was out most of the season. We’re getting everyone healthy right now and when the seaon starts, I’m looking forward to doing much better. Our schedule this year may be one of the toughest in the league...it seems we’re playing all of the top teams. That pisses me off a little, but I guess in a way it’ll be a good test. Still, I expect us to go .500 this year.


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