Monday, June 28, 2004
THE RESPONSE
In case it matters, I received a response from Mr. Zimmerman regarding my many questions about Meijer’s policy of eliminating jobs. Without further adu, here is the email I received:
Jason, Thanks for your inquires. All this has been addressed in the media. Please feel free to review old articles and news stories from September 2003 and January 2004. Thanks.
John Zimmerman
Director of Community and
Customer Relations
Meijer
2929 Walker Ave
Grand Rapids, MI 49544
(616) 791-5267
meijer.com
So what does this mean exactly? I translated by using my Corporate Nonsense to English Handbook and was able to surmise that what he means is, quite simply, “Don’t bother me.” See, I’ve checked a lot of media sources regarding this story and there is nothing there that answers my questions. That’s why I wrote the stupid bastard. But it’s pretty obvious he has no intentions of answering to anything.
So I guess for now I’ll just have to explore other avenues. Maybe one of these days I can document all this nonsense in my book, “Retail Rage: How I Kicked the Ass of Exploitative Retail Giants.” Look for that to be published by Harper-Collins or something sometime in the year two thousand and never. Oh well, what to do?
?
In case it matters, I received a response from Mr. Zimmerman regarding my many questions about Meijer’s policy of eliminating jobs. Without further adu, here is the email I received:
Jason, Thanks for your inquires. All this has been addressed in the media. Please feel free to review old articles and news stories from September 2003 and January 2004. Thanks.
John Zimmerman
Director of Community and
Customer Relations
Meijer
2929 Walker Ave
Grand Rapids, MI 49544
(616) 791-5267
meijer.com
So what does this mean exactly? I translated by using my Corporate Nonsense to English Handbook and was able to surmise that what he means is, quite simply, “Don’t bother me.” See, I’ve checked a lot of media sources regarding this story and there is nothing there that answers my questions. That’s why I wrote the stupid bastard. But it’s pretty obvious he has no intentions of answering to anything.
So I guess for now I’ll just have to explore other avenues. Maybe one of these days I can document all this nonsense in my book, “Retail Rage: How I Kicked the Ass of Exploitative Retail Giants.” Look for that to be published by Harper-Collins or something sometime in the year two thousand and never. Oh well, what to do?
?
Monday, June 21, 2004
RETAIL RAGE PART 2: MEIJER
I’ve recently come to the conclusion that Meijer is evil.
This past week I was at the Meijer store in Maumee when I realized there were no people acting as baggers at the end of the checkout lanes. This particular location has been open for probably 10 years or more, so this came as a bit of a shock.
I inquired as to where they were and I was told that the company as a whole had gotten rid of all baggers and approximately half of their manegerial staff. That’s thousands of positions elminated. This struck me as a bit odd. After all, this country, and in particular my state of Ohio, has been going through a sort of minor depression lately. Jobs have been very hard to come by and a lot of teenagers, as well as adults, have sought employment at retail outfits like Meijer. Grocery baggers were always in demand due to the amount of customers filing in and out all day, and many of them could eventually get into management if they stuck around long enough. So why would this company, which is currently at the pinnacle of its growth, suddenly decide to put a couple thousand people out of work?
To answer my questions, I got online and clicked over to www.meijer.com. Unfortunately, here I was met with just a lot of the standard issue corporate level b.s. In other words, I wasn’t getting anywhere. I decided to contact John Zimmerman, Meijer’s Director of Community and Customer Relations. He is used solely for contact by members of the media it seems, but I figure I’m writing a weblog entry here--so that should count. And surely if I had questions, this man would have the answers, right? Not being able to afford a lengthy long distance call, I decided to do the next best thing and write him an e-mail. What follows is the text of said e-mail:
Hello, sir.
Recently Meijer eliminated the jobs of thousands of workers, ranging from grocery baggers to managerial staff. I'd like to understand why.
I checked Meijer.com and found a lot of information in some older press releases. They said that the removal of these downsized employees would "create more open lanes, more often" as well as "offer one on one service with guests." That sounds great and all, but couldn't that be solved much easier by simply hiring more cashiers? I can't tell you how many times I have tried to check out and found myself in a long line, waiting 15 minutes or more for service. The problem was never once the speed of the baggers. It was the lack of open lanes. If more cashiers were hired, more lanes would be open. Doesn't that sound a little more reasonable?
I also found out that it will be the cashiers now who will be both checking customers out as well as bagging their items for them. I'm curious, will the cashiers be paid more now that they are doing twice as much work?
I understand that Meijer offered the "downsized" employees help in finding a new job after their own was eliminated. Tell me, were the new jobs they found lower paying for the most part? Did anyone land better jobs? Will any of the former employees receive better jobs with Meijer in the corporate infrastructure? I think it would be a great reward for their honorable service to the company, don't you?
With all the jobs being eliminated, Meijer will save a great deal. Will these savings be passed on to consumers? If so, how? What products can consumers look forward to saving on?
How much salary does CEO Hank Meijer earn per year? If this information available? If so, will he, or has he already, received a raise? I mean, just what exactly is going to be done with all that recently freed up cash anyway?
A few more items of interest, if you'll indulge me:
On Meijer.com there are two quotes in particular that baffled me. I was hoping you could provide some answers. One stated, "We believe we should be an asset to the communities we serve.” How exactly are you benefitting the community by eliminating jobs in the midst of high unemployment rates?
Another quote stated, “As an employer, we show respect for everyone with our hiring practices. Once hired, we treat our hard-working team members with the respect they deserve.” This one really surprised me. Is eliminating jobs during a high period of unemployment how Meijer defines "respect"?
I apologize for the length of this e-mail, but I really am quite confused by these practices. Meijer is #9 on Forbes' list of largest private companies. The business pulls in billions of dollars and wields great influence in the retail world. Why are you so insistent on eliminating so many jobs all of a sudden?
I'd really love some answers.
Yours,
Jason Korbus
Unfortunately, I have yet to receive a response from Mr. Zimmerman, but I remain optimistic. If and when I do receive that response, I’ll post it on the weblog for anyone who is interested to read. Until then, I guess all I can do is keep trying to find the answers to these questions I have.
I’ve recently come to the conclusion that Meijer is evil.
This past week I was at the Meijer store in Maumee when I realized there were no people acting as baggers at the end of the checkout lanes. This particular location has been open for probably 10 years or more, so this came as a bit of a shock.
I inquired as to where they were and I was told that the company as a whole had gotten rid of all baggers and approximately half of their manegerial staff. That’s thousands of positions elminated. This struck me as a bit odd. After all, this country, and in particular my state of Ohio, has been going through a sort of minor depression lately. Jobs have been very hard to come by and a lot of teenagers, as well as adults, have sought employment at retail outfits like Meijer. Grocery baggers were always in demand due to the amount of customers filing in and out all day, and many of them could eventually get into management if they stuck around long enough. So why would this company, which is currently at the pinnacle of its growth, suddenly decide to put a couple thousand people out of work?
To answer my questions, I got online and clicked over to www.meijer.com. Unfortunately, here I was met with just a lot of the standard issue corporate level b.s. In other words, I wasn’t getting anywhere. I decided to contact John Zimmerman, Meijer’s Director of Community and Customer Relations. He is used solely for contact by members of the media it seems, but I figure I’m writing a weblog entry here--so that should count. And surely if I had questions, this man would have the answers, right? Not being able to afford a lengthy long distance call, I decided to do the next best thing and write him an e-mail. What follows is the text of said e-mail:
Hello, sir.
Recently Meijer eliminated the jobs of thousands of workers, ranging from grocery baggers to managerial staff. I'd like to understand why.
I checked Meijer.com and found a lot of information in some older press releases. They said that the removal of these downsized employees would "create more open lanes, more often" as well as "offer one on one service with guests." That sounds great and all, but couldn't that be solved much easier by simply hiring more cashiers? I can't tell you how many times I have tried to check out and found myself in a long line, waiting 15 minutes or more for service. The problem was never once the speed of the baggers. It was the lack of open lanes. If more cashiers were hired, more lanes would be open. Doesn't that sound a little more reasonable?
I also found out that it will be the cashiers now who will be both checking customers out as well as bagging their items for them. I'm curious, will the cashiers be paid more now that they are doing twice as much work?
I understand that Meijer offered the "downsized" employees help in finding a new job after their own was eliminated. Tell me, were the new jobs they found lower paying for the most part? Did anyone land better jobs? Will any of the former employees receive better jobs with Meijer in the corporate infrastructure? I think it would be a great reward for their honorable service to the company, don't you?
With all the jobs being eliminated, Meijer will save a great deal. Will these savings be passed on to consumers? If so, how? What products can consumers look forward to saving on?
How much salary does CEO Hank Meijer earn per year? If this information available? If so, will he, or has he already, received a raise? I mean, just what exactly is going to be done with all that recently freed up cash anyway?
A few more items of interest, if you'll indulge me:
On Meijer.com there are two quotes in particular that baffled me. I was hoping you could provide some answers. One stated, "We believe we should be an asset to the communities we serve.” How exactly are you benefitting the community by eliminating jobs in the midst of high unemployment rates?
Another quote stated, “As an employer, we show respect for everyone with our hiring practices. Once hired, we treat our hard-working team members with the respect they deserve.” This one really surprised me. Is eliminating jobs during a high period of unemployment how Meijer defines "respect"?
I apologize for the length of this e-mail, but I really am quite confused by these practices. Meijer is #9 on Forbes' list of largest private companies. The business pulls in billions of dollars and wields great influence in the retail world. Why are you so insistent on eliminating so many jobs all of a sudden?
I'd really love some answers.
Yours,
Jason Korbus
Unfortunately, I have yet to receive a response from Mr. Zimmerman, but I remain optimistic. If and when I do receive that response, I’ll post it on the weblog for anyone who is interested to read. Until then, I guess all I can do is keep trying to find the answers to these questions I have.
Friday, June 18, 2004
HOW TO FIX SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
A little while back I wrote a brief entry about how painful it has become to watch Saturday Night Live the past couple of years. What once used to be a weekend staple for me has turned into something I try to avoid. Yes, I often find myself watching an infomercial for a grilling machine or a juicer instead of attempting to sit through an hour and a half of bad sketches.
I grew up during the reign of Dana Carvey and Chris Farley, of Phil Hartman and David Spade. Now hey, I understand they’re not on the show anymore. In fact, a couple of them are dead. I know those days are long gone, but still, why has the show gotten so damn bad lately? What can be done to fix it? That’s what I’m writing about today. I don’t claim to have all of the answers, but I think I have a few ideas that could at least help. I’ll write a bit about each point, and I’ll start with....
The Writing
I have to be honest here. The writing stinks. It isn’t funny. When the performers stoop to cracking up in the middle of sketches in an effort to get cheap laughs, that means that the material itself isn’t doing the job. SNL used to be cutting edge. It used to be brave and expand the boundaries a bit. I would suggest going back to that. Push the envelope! Don’t be afraid to write sketches about things some people will find to be in poor taste. Remember, the show has never been geared toward adults who have lost their sense of humor. It has always been youth oriented, centering on fresh, original material. Now, I love topical jokes as much as the next person, but don’t be afraid to show us something that hasn’t been seen before. Experimentation is the only way this show will be able to evolve.
The Talent
Ok, this is hard for me. There’s a lot of very talented people on Saturday Night Live. And while I think some of it is because they aren’t getting quality material, there’s a few who just aren’t cutting it. Namely, Horatio Sanz.
Horatio Sanz has got to go. I’m sorry, but I don’t see what is so goddamn hilarious about him yet. Is it because he’s fat? That’s not funny. If he wants to be the funny fat guy, he has to do something with his body. Watch old Farley tapes and learn, Horatio.
Maya Rudolph...consider this your pink slip. You have a lot of potential, but you haven’t done much on SNL worthy of keeping you around. Take a year off, explore what you want to do with your career in comedy, then come back if you feel like you might be able to contribute more.
There’s a few others who need to step up their game. Fred Armisen, Finesse Mitchell and Seth Meyers, to name a few. I see something in you all. You may not be the stuff legends are made of, but you could at least make me laugh if you tried harder. If not, just leave now. Lorne could spend the money pursuing other performers.
The Hosts
The people who get chosen week in and week out to host SNL are some of the luckiest people in the entertainment business. Just to step on the stage of studio 8H should be considered a huge honor. Therefore, when I see hosts like Donald Trump whore the limelight to sell his latest book, it pisses me off. That pompous son of a bitch ruined what could have been a good episode of SNL by constantly...constantly....constantly talking about himself. I had to turn the damn television off. It wasn’t entertaining, it was ANNOYING! I understand that SNL is a promotional vehicle, but this was out of hand and, quite frankly, ridiculous.
The great thing about being a larger than life personality is going on SNL and mocking yourself and the attention a little bit. For instance, when Jennifer Aniston hosted the show, she played a loud, intrusive paparazzi on the red carpet. It was funny because she got to throw it back in the faces of all the photographers and gossip columnists who intrude into her personal life on a daily basis. That’s something the Donald Trumps of the world should do on the show. Not inflate their own egos at the expense of the viewing public.
What’s Missing?
There’s a few things I think the show could use. First of all, I’d like to see some Asian or Middle Eastern influence portrayed. Not because I’m one of those people who bitch and moan about the lack of diversity on television. I’m not. But when you’re talking comedy shows, there’s not a whole lot better than a funny Asian. Seriously, is it possible that we can get Margaret Cho to be a cast member? I love her. She’s very willing to poke fun at stereotypes and skewer her own background. What about the winner of NBC’s own Last Comic Standing? Dat Phan is small, dorky and energetic. I really do believe that the show could use people like this to shake things up a bit.
Secondly, good impressionists are sorely absent. Darrell Hammond is great, but we’re approaching election season. SNL has always prided itself on great political satire, but this year is going to be horrible. It NEEDS someone who can imitate GW Bush. It isn’t being done well right now. It NEEDS someone who can imitate John Kerry. It isn’t being done well right now. And honestly, it NEEDS someone who can mock Osama bin Laden. Those three, coupled with Darrell Hammond’s Dick Cheney could make for some very funny moments this November.
Impressionists are also great for the regular sketches on the show. Take a look over at MAD TV’s Aries Spears. He is tearing the crowd up with his imitations of Shaquille O’Neal, Bill Cosby and Evander Holyfield. That’s the kind of stuff I want to see--prominent figures in sports and entertainment made a little harmless fun of. Another MAD TV personality is Frank Caliendo. He is an amazing impressionist, if you haven’t seen him. He has nearly killed me with his routines as John Madden and George W. Bush. He can flawlessly impersonate many, many others and it’s too bad he’s on MAD TV. Check him out if you haven’t heard of him. He’s really talented.
Lorne Michaels
Finally, I want to say something about Lorne, the executive producer of Saturday Night Live. The buck stops with you, Mr. Michaels. You’re the man responsible for bringing Saturday Night Live to the air and keeping it alive when things looked worst. The time has come again for you to shake things up and get this show back on track. Sink or swim, Lorne. Sink or swim.
DETROIT PISTONS 2004 NBA CHAMPS
Congratulations to the Pistons and their fans all over the country. It's been great following them through the long season and extremely rewarding being able to share in their championship over the Lakers. Good work, guys! And best of luck next year!
PS: Please, Rasheed, re-sign with Detroit.
A little while back I wrote a brief entry about how painful it has become to watch Saturday Night Live the past couple of years. What once used to be a weekend staple for me has turned into something I try to avoid. Yes, I often find myself watching an infomercial for a grilling machine or a juicer instead of attempting to sit through an hour and a half of bad sketches.
I grew up during the reign of Dana Carvey and Chris Farley, of Phil Hartman and David Spade. Now hey, I understand they’re not on the show anymore. In fact, a couple of them are dead. I know those days are long gone, but still, why has the show gotten so damn bad lately? What can be done to fix it? That’s what I’m writing about today. I don’t claim to have all of the answers, but I think I have a few ideas that could at least help. I’ll write a bit about each point, and I’ll start with....
The Writing
I have to be honest here. The writing stinks. It isn’t funny. When the performers stoop to cracking up in the middle of sketches in an effort to get cheap laughs, that means that the material itself isn’t doing the job. SNL used to be cutting edge. It used to be brave and expand the boundaries a bit. I would suggest going back to that. Push the envelope! Don’t be afraid to write sketches about things some people will find to be in poor taste. Remember, the show has never been geared toward adults who have lost their sense of humor. It has always been youth oriented, centering on fresh, original material. Now, I love topical jokes as much as the next person, but don’t be afraid to show us something that hasn’t been seen before. Experimentation is the only way this show will be able to evolve.
The Talent
Ok, this is hard for me. There’s a lot of very talented people on Saturday Night Live. And while I think some of it is because they aren’t getting quality material, there’s a few who just aren’t cutting it. Namely, Horatio Sanz.
Horatio Sanz has got to go. I’m sorry, but I don’t see what is so goddamn hilarious about him yet. Is it because he’s fat? That’s not funny. If he wants to be the funny fat guy, he has to do something with his body. Watch old Farley tapes and learn, Horatio.
Maya Rudolph...consider this your pink slip. You have a lot of potential, but you haven’t done much on SNL worthy of keeping you around. Take a year off, explore what you want to do with your career in comedy, then come back if you feel like you might be able to contribute more.
There’s a few others who need to step up their game. Fred Armisen, Finesse Mitchell and Seth Meyers, to name a few. I see something in you all. You may not be the stuff legends are made of, but you could at least make me laugh if you tried harder. If not, just leave now. Lorne could spend the money pursuing other performers.
The Hosts
The people who get chosen week in and week out to host SNL are some of the luckiest people in the entertainment business. Just to step on the stage of studio 8H should be considered a huge honor. Therefore, when I see hosts like Donald Trump whore the limelight to sell his latest book, it pisses me off. That pompous son of a bitch ruined what could have been a good episode of SNL by constantly...constantly....constantly talking about himself. I had to turn the damn television off. It wasn’t entertaining, it was ANNOYING! I understand that SNL is a promotional vehicle, but this was out of hand and, quite frankly, ridiculous.
The great thing about being a larger than life personality is going on SNL and mocking yourself and the attention a little bit. For instance, when Jennifer Aniston hosted the show, she played a loud, intrusive paparazzi on the red carpet. It was funny because she got to throw it back in the faces of all the photographers and gossip columnists who intrude into her personal life on a daily basis. That’s something the Donald Trumps of the world should do on the show. Not inflate their own egos at the expense of the viewing public.
What’s Missing?
There’s a few things I think the show could use. First of all, I’d like to see some Asian or Middle Eastern influence portrayed. Not because I’m one of those people who bitch and moan about the lack of diversity on television. I’m not. But when you’re talking comedy shows, there’s not a whole lot better than a funny Asian. Seriously, is it possible that we can get Margaret Cho to be a cast member? I love her. She’s very willing to poke fun at stereotypes and skewer her own background. What about the winner of NBC’s own Last Comic Standing? Dat Phan is small, dorky and energetic. I really do believe that the show could use people like this to shake things up a bit.
Secondly, good impressionists are sorely absent. Darrell Hammond is great, but we’re approaching election season. SNL has always prided itself on great political satire, but this year is going to be horrible. It NEEDS someone who can imitate GW Bush. It isn’t being done well right now. It NEEDS someone who can imitate John Kerry. It isn’t being done well right now. And honestly, it NEEDS someone who can mock Osama bin Laden. Those three, coupled with Darrell Hammond’s Dick Cheney could make for some very funny moments this November.
Impressionists are also great for the regular sketches on the show. Take a look over at MAD TV’s Aries Spears. He is tearing the crowd up with his imitations of Shaquille O’Neal, Bill Cosby and Evander Holyfield. That’s the kind of stuff I want to see--prominent figures in sports and entertainment made a little harmless fun of. Another MAD TV personality is Frank Caliendo. He is an amazing impressionist, if you haven’t seen him. He has nearly killed me with his routines as John Madden and George W. Bush. He can flawlessly impersonate many, many others and it’s too bad he’s on MAD TV. Check him out if you haven’t heard of him. He’s really talented.
Lorne Michaels
Finally, I want to say something about Lorne, the executive producer of Saturday Night Live. The buck stops with you, Mr. Michaels. You’re the man responsible for bringing Saturday Night Live to the air and keeping it alive when things looked worst. The time has come again for you to shake things up and get this show back on track. Sink or swim, Lorne. Sink or swim.
DETROIT PISTONS 2004 NBA CHAMPS
Congratulations to the Pistons and their fans all over the country. It's been great following them through the long season and extremely rewarding being able to share in their championship over the Lakers. Good work, guys! And best of luck next year!
PS: Please, Rasheed, re-sign with Detroit.
Saturday, June 12, 2004
IMAGINE THIS...
I was flipping across the television dial earlier tonight and, since it was on about every channel, saw some of the Reagan funeral proceedings. Among the many friends and family walking past the casket, I noticed the Governator himself, Arnold Schwarzennegger.
When I saw him there, I started wondering what would happen if he had to eulogize the deceased President. It would probably have been short, funny and rife with his old movie lines. Well, imagine for a moment that our dreams have come true. Yes, let’s pretend that Ah-nuhld had indeed been asked to give a eulogy. Here’s a sample of the sound bytes we would have heard (say them aloud in your best Arnold voice for maximun effect):
“In the movies, I played a character called the Terminator. But now, at the age of 93, it is President Ronald Reagan who has been terminated.”
“President Reagan spent 8 years in office restoring patriotic pride and fighting Communism worldwide. In the movies, I was the Commando...but Ronald Reagan was the true Commando-In-Chief.”
“Who is your daddy and what does he do? Ha Ha, I had no real reason to say that. I just wanted to find yet another environment to say my old movie lines in.”
“Until his recent death, President Reagan fought a long, courageous battle with Alzheimer’s. Unlike previously thought, it was not a tumor!!”
“I’ll be back. But you won’t!!”
“Nancy...it has been a week since your husband passed away. Get over it immediately. STOP WHINING! You are soft! You lack discipline! WELL I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU, YOU ARE MINE NOW! YOU BELONG TO ME!”
“Hasta La Vista, baby!”
I was flipping across the television dial earlier tonight and, since it was on about every channel, saw some of the Reagan funeral proceedings. Among the many friends and family walking past the casket, I noticed the Governator himself, Arnold Schwarzennegger.
When I saw him there, I started wondering what would happen if he had to eulogize the deceased President. It would probably have been short, funny and rife with his old movie lines. Well, imagine for a moment that our dreams have come true. Yes, let’s pretend that Ah-nuhld had indeed been asked to give a eulogy. Here’s a sample of the sound bytes we would have heard (say them aloud in your best Arnold voice for maximun effect):
“In the movies, I played a character called the Terminator. But now, at the age of 93, it is President Ronald Reagan who has been terminated.”
“President Reagan spent 8 years in office restoring patriotic pride and fighting Communism worldwide. In the movies, I was the Commando...but Ronald Reagan was the true Commando-In-Chief.”
“Who is your daddy and what does he do? Ha Ha, I had no real reason to say that. I just wanted to find yet another environment to say my old movie lines in.”
“Until his recent death, President Reagan fought a long, courageous battle with Alzheimer’s. Unlike previously thought, it was not a tumor!!”
“I’ll be back. But you won’t!!”
“Nancy...it has been a week since your husband passed away. Get over it immediately. STOP WHINING! You are soft! You lack discipline! WELL I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU, YOU ARE MINE NOW! YOU BELONG TO ME!”
“Hasta La Vista, baby!”
Friday, June 11, 2004
DETROIT SPORTS REPORT
Lately I’ve tried to keep sports out of the limelight on my weblog. I’ve basically done a decent job, but lately there’s been some stuff going on I wanted to write just a bit about.
Detroit Tigers
The Tigers have been among my sources of joy this year as far as sports go. They’ve been my team my entire life and I’ve stuck with them through thick and thin. In recent years, it’s been almost entirely the thin...because they’ve sucked horribly. And while it’s been a disappointment, my support never waivered. Therefore, it’s been great seeing them do much better this year. Starting with a great offseason where they picked up a lot of good free-agent talent (Pudge Rodriguez, Carlos Guillen and Ugueth Urbina, just to name a few) the boys from Detroit have given us fans a lot to cheer about. True, they’ve been slumping a bit recently, but I’m confident they’re going to come out of it. Besides, they took two out of three from the Atlanta Braves and have a good lead over the defending champion Marlins as I’m writing this. Will the Tigers win the World Series? Probably not. Their starting pitching has been inconsistent and you can’t do much without a decent rotation. However, I do expect the Tigers to continue suprising sports fans this year and resuming their success this into the future.
Detroit Red Wings
The Wings have disappointed me the last two years. Both years I was expecting them to go deep into the playoffs and contend for the Stanley Cup. However, it’s been anything but success for Hockeytown’s heroes. Last year they were swept in the first round and this year they were manhandled in the second. This just won’t do. I feel they’re consistently among the best teams in the NHL and them dropping out of the playoffs early every year pisses me off. I expect better. I don’t typically like blaming the coach, however, Dave Lewis has given me reason to be suspicious. Why do the Wings enter the postseason the odds-on-favorites his first two years as coach only to be eliminated by lesser squads? It’s something they’re going to have to figure out. I know this is his first stint as a head coach, but if he doesn’t fare any better next year, it will be time for him to go.
Detroit Pistons
Ahh, the Pistons. The pride of Motown. I vividly remember being a wee little boy and cheering the “Bad Boys” on to two consecutive NBA Championships--one of which was against the Lakers. I’m much older now and not nearly as wee as I once was--but that doesn’t mean I can’t cheer just as hard for this new breed of Pistons. This team has set records for their stifling defense and, if you ask me, should be considered the greatest defensive team of all time. They’re in the finals right now and this is the biggest reason why. That, and the midseason addition of Rasheed Wallace, anyway. Nothing will make me happier than to watch the Pistons conquer Los Angeles’s finest once again. Right now they’re up 2 games to 1 and the world is seeing just how amazing this team is. Time to go to work, Detroit. Let’s bring the title home once again!
Lately I’ve tried to keep sports out of the limelight on my weblog. I’ve basically done a decent job, but lately there’s been some stuff going on I wanted to write just a bit about.
Detroit Tigers
The Tigers have been among my sources of joy this year as far as sports go. They’ve been my team my entire life and I’ve stuck with them through thick and thin. In recent years, it’s been almost entirely the thin...because they’ve sucked horribly. And while it’s been a disappointment, my support never waivered. Therefore, it’s been great seeing them do much better this year. Starting with a great offseason where they picked up a lot of good free-agent talent (Pudge Rodriguez, Carlos Guillen and Ugueth Urbina, just to name a few) the boys from Detroit have given us fans a lot to cheer about. True, they’ve been slumping a bit recently, but I’m confident they’re going to come out of it. Besides, they took two out of three from the Atlanta Braves and have a good lead over the defending champion Marlins as I’m writing this. Will the Tigers win the World Series? Probably not. Their starting pitching has been inconsistent and you can’t do much without a decent rotation. However, I do expect the Tigers to continue suprising sports fans this year and resuming their success this into the future.
Detroit Red Wings
The Wings have disappointed me the last two years. Both years I was expecting them to go deep into the playoffs and contend for the Stanley Cup. However, it’s been anything but success for Hockeytown’s heroes. Last year they were swept in the first round and this year they were manhandled in the second. This just won’t do. I feel they’re consistently among the best teams in the NHL and them dropping out of the playoffs early every year pisses me off. I expect better. I don’t typically like blaming the coach, however, Dave Lewis has given me reason to be suspicious. Why do the Wings enter the postseason the odds-on-favorites his first two years as coach only to be eliminated by lesser squads? It’s something they’re going to have to figure out. I know this is his first stint as a head coach, but if he doesn’t fare any better next year, it will be time for him to go.
Detroit Pistons
Ahh, the Pistons. The pride of Motown. I vividly remember being a wee little boy and cheering the “Bad Boys” on to two consecutive NBA Championships--one of which was against the Lakers. I’m much older now and not nearly as wee as I once was--but that doesn’t mean I can’t cheer just as hard for this new breed of Pistons. This team has set records for their stifling defense and, if you ask me, should be considered the greatest defensive team of all time. They’re in the finals right now and this is the biggest reason why. That, and the midseason addition of Rasheed Wallace, anyway. Nothing will make me happier than to watch the Pistons conquer Los Angeles’s finest once again. Right now they’re up 2 games to 1 and the world is seeing just how amazing this team is. Time to go to work, Detroit. Let’s bring the title home once again!
Monday, June 07, 2004
TALKIN BOUT MY MAMA
My mother, the kind and loving woman that she is, does fly off the handle every now and again. It tends to happen, namely, in retail outlets, and is focused upon the employees of said establishments.
Yes, I can recall many times where my mom allowed her frustrations to get the better of her and let slip a few choice four letter words. When I was younger, seeing the woman who gave me life cause a scene in a restaurant was embarrassing. Now that I am older, I find it quite amusing.
From time to time I would like to share a story or two here of past situations involving dear old mom. However, today I will relate one that, while not quite as entertaining as the ones I’ll write about in the future, is sure to provide a chuckle.
Around a week ago my brother began to notice a weird noise when he would touch the brakes in his car. It was kind of a mix between a squeak and a repeated thud-thud sound. Luckily, we have a excellent mechanic right next door, so he was able to ask his opinion. After giving it a quick look, it was determined that the cause of the problem was advanced deterioration of his brake pads. The mechanic would be willing to fix it for minimal labor, however, he asked that we go and pick up the necessary replacement parts at a local auto parts outfit.
Since my brother was unable to go, the chore fell upon my mother, who was more than happy to help out. She didn’t want to go alone though, so I went along to provide her some company. First stop: Auto Zone.
We walked inside the shop and were greeted by an employee. My mom told him what we needed and he quickly looked it up on a computer and walked to the stock room to retrieve the parts. Moments later, he returned--empty handed. He looked at his computer screen again, then informed us that there was only one brake pad in stock. We needed two, so obviously this was a problem. Apparently what happened is that the guy who closed the store the previous night had failed to put in an order for a multitude of parts that were running low in stock. Among them, of course, were our brake pads.
My mom, never being one to enjoy ineptitude, was pissed. “Do you mean to tell me that you don’t have what I need for my son’s car? This is fucking ridiculous! You people never have anything. I came in here a couple of weeks back for a headlight and there was none in stock. No, forget this shit. I am going to Murray’s.”
The Auto Zone employee, fearful of a confrontation and the loss of a customer, tried to reassure her. “I’m very sorry ma’am. But I’m showing on the computer that we have three pads in stock at our Reynolds Road location. Would you like to go there?”
“Why the hell should I drive halfway across town to get fuckin brake pads when I can just go right over here to Murray’s? No, thanks but no thanks. Keep your brake pads.”
With this, my mom turned to walk out. I walked alongside of her, laughing to myself. Here’s my mom, nearing her 50’s, chewing out a guy half her age over brake pads. It struck me funny.
"But ma'am..," the man interjected. Before he could finish his thought, however, my mom cut him off.
“You fuckers piss me off.”
That was the last words he heard before we exited through the automatic doors. We laughed about her verbal dismantling of the Auto Zone shop worker all the way to Murray’s. There we were able to easily buy the brake pads needed and even got a slip that will entitle her to a $10 refund. Not bad.
The moral of this story is not that you should always strive for the best customer service. No, the message here is that you should never lose an opportunity to see my mom bitch at retail workers. It’s a little something I’ve learned along the way, and now I try my best to never miss a minute.
My mother, the kind and loving woman that she is, does fly off the handle every now and again. It tends to happen, namely, in retail outlets, and is focused upon the employees of said establishments.
Yes, I can recall many times where my mom allowed her frustrations to get the better of her and let slip a few choice four letter words. When I was younger, seeing the woman who gave me life cause a scene in a restaurant was embarrassing. Now that I am older, I find it quite amusing.
From time to time I would like to share a story or two here of past situations involving dear old mom. However, today I will relate one that, while not quite as entertaining as the ones I’ll write about in the future, is sure to provide a chuckle.
Around a week ago my brother began to notice a weird noise when he would touch the brakes in his car. It was kind of a mix between a squeak and a repeated thud-thud sound. Luckily, we have a excellent mechanic right next door, so he was able to ask his opinion. After giving it a quick look, it was determined that the cause of the problem was advanced deterioration of his brake pads. The mechanic would be willing to fix it for minimal labor, however, he asked that we go and pick up the necessary replacement parts at a local auto parts outfit.
Since my brother was unable to go, the chore fell upon my mother, who was more than happy to help out. She didn’t want to go alone though, so I went along to provide her some company. First stop: Auto Zone.
We walked inside the shop and were greeted by an employee. My mom told him what we needed and he quickly looked it up on a computer and walked to the stock room to retrieve the parts. Moments later, he returned--empty handed. He looked at his computer screen again, then informed us that there was only one brake pad in stock. We needed two, so obviously this was a problem. Apparently what happened is that the guy who closed the store the previous night had failed to put in an order for a multitude of parts that were running low in stock. Among them, of course, were our brake pads.
My mom, never being one to enjoy ineptitude, was pissed. “Do you mean to tell me that you don’t have what I need for my son’s car? This is fucking ridiculous! You people never have anything. I came in here a couple of weeks back for a headlight and there was none in stock. No, forget this shit. I am going to Murray’s.”
The Auto Zone employee, fearful of a confrontation and the loss of a customer, tried to reassure her. “I’m very sorry ma’am. But I’m showing on the computer that we have three pads in stock at our Reynolds Road location. Would you like to go there?”
“Why the hell should I drive halfway across town to get fuckin brake pads when I can just go right over here to Murray’s? No, thanks but no thanks. Keep your brake pads.”
With this, my mom turned to walk out. I walked alongside of her, laughing to myself. Here’s my mom, nearing her 50’s, chewing out a guy half her age over brake pads. It struck me funny.
"But ma'am..," the man interjected. Before he could finish his thought, however, my mom cut him off.
“You fuckers piss me off.”
That was the last words he heard before we exited through the automatic doors. We laughed about her verbal dismantling of the Auto Zone shop worker all the way to Murray’s. There we were able to easily buy the brake pads needed and even got a slip that will entitle her to a $10 refund. Not bad.
The moral of this story is not that you should always strive for the best customer service. No, the message here is that you should never lose an opportunity to see my mom bitch at retail workers. It’s a little something I’ve learned along the way, and now I try my best to never miss a minute.
