Saturday, July 31, 2004
BLAH BLAH BLAH
Ok, so here's the deal...sure I could talk about the Democratic National Convention or the stuff that's pissing me off on a day to day basis, but what's the use? There's time for that later. Right now I'm going to start focusing on trying to write a little more funny material for the ol' weblog. Besides, I just had my 24th birthday and I figure I should laugh a little more often. Anyway, I guess I'll see what happens with this latest resolution....stay tuned.
Ok, so here's the deal...sure I could talk about the Democratic National Convention or the stuff that's pissing me off on a day to day basis, but what's the use? There's time for that later. Right now I'm going to start focusing on trying to write a little more funny material for the ol' weblog. Besides, I just had my 24th birthday and I figure I should laugh a little more often. Anyway, I guess I'll see what happens with this latest resolution....stay tuned.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
WHY THEY HATE US
So why do the terrorists hate us?
Is it because of our ties to the Saudi Royals? After all, this is the family that presides over a nation which tops the list of human right violators year after year. While President Bush entertains Prince Bandar at the White House, the Saudi government is busy back home torturing and executing political prisoners. According to Amnesty International, their crimes included nothing more than protesting and being critical of the state.
Or could it be due to our support of Israel? The two billion dollars in aid we give to them annually directly funds their army, which killed approximately 600 Palestinians last year alone. Of these deaths, over 100 were children. Many were butchered by reckless shooting and bombing campaigns in civilian residential areas that our tax dollars help make happen.
So are these the reasons that the terrorists hate us? Nah. I’m sure it’s just because of our freedom.
So why do the terrorists hate us?
Is it because of our ties to the Saudi Royals? After all, this is the family that presides over a nation which tops the list of human right violators year after year. While President Bush entertains Prince Bandar at the White House, the Saudi government is busy back home torturing and executing political prisoners. According to Amnesty International, their crimes included nothing more than protesting and being critical of the state.
Or could it be due to our support of Israel? The two billion dollars in aid we give to them annually directly funds their army, which killed approximately 600 Palestinians last year alone. Of these deaths, over 100 were children. Many were butchered by reckless shooting and bombing campaigns in civilian residential areas that our tax dollars help make happen.
So are these the reasons that the terrorists hate us? Nah. I’m sure it’s just because of our freedom.
Monday, July 19, 2004
SINCERELY YOURS, AGAIN....
I just want to give a big thank you to the Toledo City Paper whose editorial assistant, Misty Walker, has agreed to publish my Fahrenheit 9/11 opinion. As my previous post indicated, I originally submitted it to the Toledo Blade. I understand that publication with that paper is not likely due to the vast amount of letters they get everyday. However, the Toledo City Paper publishes a great weekly collection of information based on local interest and national news stories, so I decided to send it their way as well. Definitely check them out, as I do regularly. You can find copies at many convenience stores, as well as your local library, free of charge.
I just want to give a big thank you to the Toledo City Paper whose editorial assistant, Misty Walker, has agreed to publish my Fahrenheit 9/11 opinion. As my previous post indicated, I originally submitted it to the Toledo Blade. I understand that publication with that paper is not likely due to the vast amount of letters they get everyday. However, the Toledo City Paper publishes a great weekly collection of information based on local interest and national news stories, so I decided to send it their way as well. Definitely check them out, as I do regularly. You can find copies at many convenience stores, as well as your local library, free of charge.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
SINCERELY YOURS
I decided to write a letter for the opinion page of my local paper, the Toledo Blade. In case it’s not printed, I’ll post it here for anyone with interest to read:
Am I the only one sick of hearing people label “Fahrenheit 9/11” as being full of lies without actually providing evidence?
Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly are among the worst at this. They both continue to state that the movie claims the “bin Laden flights” out of the country after Sept. 11th took place while everyone else was still grounded. This is simply untrue. Moore clearly states these flights took place after Sept. 13th, which is when the FAA began to lift regulations. O’Reilly in particular should be ashamed of himself. A respected journalist such as he should get his information straight before reporting it to the public. But then again, he admits to only watching half of the film.
Fahrenheit 9/11 is a means to get a dialogue going. You can disagree with Moore’s opinions, but thus far I’m not hearing anything that discredits his facts. So if you’re going to make accusations like these, please offer some proof to back up your case. Show me that Toledoans can be more objective than the O’Reilly’s and Limbaugh’s of the world.
I decided to write a letter for the opinion page of my local paper, the Toledo Blade. In case it’s not printed, I’ll post it here for anyone with interest to read:
Am I the only one sick of hearing people label “Fahrenheit 9/11” as being full of lies without actually providing evidence?
Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly are among the worst at this. They both continue to state that the movie claims the “bin Laden flights” out of the country after Sept. 11th took place while everyone else was still grounded. This is simply untrue. Moore clearly states these flights took place after Sept. 13th, which is when the FAA began to lift regulations. O’Reilly in particular should be ashamed of himself. A respected journalist such as he should get his information straight before reporting it to the public. But then again, he admits to only watching half of the film.
Fahrenheit 9/11 is a means to get a dialogue going. You can disagree with Moore’s opinions, but thus far I’m not hearing anything that discredits his facts. So if you’re going to make accusations like these, please offer some proof to back up your case. Show me that Toledoans can be more objective than the O’Reilly’s and Limbaugh’s of the world.
Saturday, July 17, 2004
THE TRIAL OF MICHAEL MOORE: DAY SIX
The Verdict
JUDGE
Please be seated. Court is now in session. Today is the final day of this trial; Republicans vs. Michael Moore. I have listened intently to all testimony and heard all evidence submitted. After studying everything in my chambers over the past several days, I have come to a decision. I will read that decision now.
As it pertains to count one, that Michael Moore’s film is one-sided, I have decided to throw it out. Offering a one-sided argument against war and the foreign policy of the President is not a crime and is not worthy of being argued in open court. The witness, Mr. Sean Hannity, was unable to convince me that Mr. Moore was offering anything more than a reaction to the events that have transpired over the past year and a half in our country. There is no evidence that Michael Moore ever marketed his film as anything other than said reaction. Therefore, this was an easy decision to throw the claim out.
Count two is legitimate. Mr. Limbaugh and the prosecution stated that Michael Moore is a liar and that his film was full of lies about the Bush administration and its reasons for the Iraq War. The testimony and evidence submitted was very interesting, however, the prosecution did nothing to convince me that Fahrenheit 9/11 has a single lie in it. You cannot simply utter this claim without having supporting evidence. You may not like Mr. Moore, his opinions, or his film...but it is immoral to call him a liar without backing it up. On the other hand, over the course of this trial, the defense was able to clearly show me that Michael Moore’s film is factual in nature. Since the prosecution was not able to prove otherwise, I simply must render a not guilty verdict for this charge.
Finally, count three, that Michael Moore is anti-American was argued. This I studied closely. Surely, calling someone anti-American is a bit subjective and open to interpretation. Because someone criticizes the President, does this make him un-American? I feel strongly that it does not, though clearly the answer depends on the eye of the beholder. However, I had to look at this purely from a legal standpoint. Was Michael Moore treasonous by criticizing the President, his policies and his justifications for war? According to our Constitution, the supreme law of the land, a person being charged with treason must either confess to it or have two witnesses to the act come forth. In this case, neither has occurred. The defense has not met the burden of proof that Mr. Moore was levying war against the United States or offering aid and comfort to its enemies. Therefore, once again, I must find Michael Moore not guilty.
In conclusion, the defense has failed to meet its burden and has not convinced me of any of their arguments. Michael Moore is free to go. Court is adjourned.
The Verdict
JUDGE
Please be seated. Court is now in session. Today is the final day of this trial; Republicans vs. Michael Moore. I have listened intently to all testimony and heard all evidence submitted. After studying everything in my chambers over the past several days, I have come to a decision. I will read that decision now.
As it pertains to count one, that Michael Moore’s film is one-sided, I have decided to throw it out. Offering a one-sided argument against war and the foreign policy of the President is not a crime and is not worthy of being argued in open court. The witness, Mr. Sean Hannity, was unable to convince me that Mr. Moore was offering anything more than a reaction to the events that have transpired over the past year and a half in our country. There is no evidence that Michael Moore ever marketed his film as anything other than said reaction. Therefore, this was an easy decision to throw the claim out.
Count two is legitimate. Mr. Limbaugh and the prosecution stated that Michael Moore is a liar and that his film was full of lies about the Bush administration and its reasons for the Iraq War. The testimony and evidence submitted was very interesting, however, the prosecution did nothing to convince me that Fahrenheit 9/11 has a single lie in it. You cannot simply utter this claim without having supporting evidence. You may not like Mr. Moore, his opinions, or his film...but it is immoral to call him a liar without backing it up. On the other hand, over the course of this trial, the defense was able to clearly show me that Michael Moore’s film is factual in nature. Since the prosecution was not able to prove otherwise, I simply must render a not guilty verdict for this charge.
Finally, count three, that Michael Moore is anti-American was argued. This I studied closely. Surely, calling someone anti-American is a bit subjective and open to interpretation. Because someone criticizes the President, does this make him un-American? I feel strongly that it does not, though clearly the answer depends on the eye of the beholder. However, I had to look at this purely from a legal standpoint. Was Michael Moore treasonous by criticizing the President, his policies and his justifications for war? According to our Constitution, the supreme law of the land, a person being charged with treason must either confess to it or have two witnesses to the act come forth. In this case, neither has occurred. The defense has not met the burden of proof that Mr. Moore was levying war against the United States or offering aid and comfort to its enemies. Therefore, once again, I must find Michael Moore not guilty.
In conclusion, the defense has failed to meet its burden and has not convinced me of any of their arguments. Michael Moore is free to go. Court is adjourned.
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
THE TRIAL OF MICHAEL MOORE: DAY FIVE
Closing Arguments
JUDGE
Court is in session. Today will begin closing arguments. I will hear the defense first, then the prosecution. Is the defense ready to proceed?
KORNBUS
Yes.
JUDGE
You have the floor.
KORNBUS
Thank you, your Honor. During this trial we have heard Michael Moore be charged with three things. First, that his film is one sided. We countered that by showing that Moore was merely offering an alternative to the one sided news Americans get night in and night out on the broadcast networks and from Fox News.
Secondly, my client was charged with being a liar. With falsifying claims in his film to slander and defame President Bush. However, the defense was able to show that Michael Moore’s film is factually accurate. His opinions may be biased, and the Limbaugh’s and O’Reilly’s of the world have a right to disagree with said opinions, but that the facts he states are provable.
Lastly, Mr. Moore was charged with being anti-American. But we were able to easily show that he has every right to ask the questions he is asking and that by dissenting against the Bush administration, he is not in any way being treasonous.
The facts are these: controlled media and blowhards across the country cannot disprove any of what Michael Moore is stating as fact. By name-calling and lobbing childish insults, conservatives are cheapening the need for debate and a discussion of the issues. It is this schoolyard behavior that makes me wonder how they ever get into power to begin with. Why is it that millions and millions of people tune in daily to Limbaugh’s radio show and read Ann Coulter’s columns and watch Sean Hannity on television? Why do Americans tolerate commentators and journalists who effect the level of public discourse by stifling debate and engage instead in playground insults as a way to prove their point? I don’t have the answer to these questions. But I think the tide could be turning. There are a lot of Americans who are sick of it and their anger could be just what causes George W. Bush to be a one term president.
If this happens, no one can really blame Michael Moore. Instead, they should blame themselves. Thank you.
JUDGE
Mr. Limbaugh, I will hear your closing argument now.
LIMBAUGH
Thank you. The prosecution has indeed proved the basic tenets of our case against Michael Moore. We have presented evidence which backs up our claims and offered corroborative testimony from several journalists and pundits. I feel I have a rock-solid case.
Michael Moore’s film is one sided and for that, he should be punished. Michael Moore is a liar and he needs to face consequences for his actions. Finally, Michael Moore is anti-American and should be held for treason against his country. There is only one right thing to do, and that is to come back with a guilty verdict on all counts. Thank you.
JUDGE
We have reached the end of all testimony and all arguments. The evidence has been submitted into the record and I will now retire to my chambers to consider it fairly. We will recess until I have reached a verdict on all three counts and meet back here for the final time no later than Saturday. Court is adjourned.
Closing Arguments
JUDGE
Court is in session. Today will begin closing arguments. I will hear the defense first, then the prosecution. Is the defense ready to proceed?
KORNBUS
Yes.
JUDGE
You have the floor.
KORNBUS
Thank you, your Honor. During this trial we have heard Michael Moore be charged with three things. First, that his film is one sided. We countered that by showing that Moore was merely offering an alternative to the one sided news Americans get night in and night out on the broadcast networks and from Fox News.
Secondly, my client was charged with being a liar. With falsifying claims in his film to slander and defame President Bush. However, the defense was able to show that Michael Moore’s film is factually accurate. His opinions may be biased, and the Limbaugh’s and O’Reilly’s of the world have a right to disagree with said opinions, but that the facts he states are provable.
Lastly, Mr. Moore was charged with being anti-American. But we were able to easily show that he has every right to ask the questions he is asking and that by dissenting against the Bush administration, he is not in any way being treasonous.
The facts are these: controlled media and blowhards across the country cannot disprove any of what Michael Moore is stating as fact. By name-calling and lobbing childish insults, conservatives are cheapening the need for debate and a discussion of the issues. It is this schoolyard behavior that makes me wonder how they ever get into power to begin with. Why is it that millions and millions of people tune in daily to Limbaugh’s radio show and read Ann Coulter’s columns and watch Sean Hannity on television? Why do Americans tolerate commentators and journalists who effect the level of public discourse by stifling debate and engage instead in playground insults as a way to prove their point? I don’t have the answer to these questions. But I think the tide could be turning. There are a lot of Americans who are sick of it and their anger could be just what causes George W. Bush to be a one term president.
If this happens, no one can really blame Michael Moore. Instead, they should blame themselves. Thank you.
JUDGE
Mr. Limbaugh, I will hear your closing argument now.
LIMBAUGH
Thank you. The prosecution has indeed proved the basic tenets of our case against Michael Moore. We have presented evidence which backs up our claims and offered corroborative testimony from several journalists and pundits. I feel I have a rock-solid case.
Michael Moore’s film is one sided and for that, he should be punished. Michael Moore is a liar and he needs to face consequences for his actions. Finally, Michael Moore is anti-American and should be held for treason against his country. There is only one right thing to do, and that is to come back with a guilty verdict on all counts. Thank you.
JUDGE
We have reached the end of all testimony and all arguments. The evidence has been submitted into the record and I will now retire to my chambers to consider it fairly. We will recess until I have reached a verdict on all three counts and meet back here for the final time no later than Saturday. Court is adjourned.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
THE TRIAL OF MICHAEL MOORE: DAY FOUR
Defense Testimony
JUDGE
Please be seated. Court is now in session. Today we will begin Defense testimony. A witness will be called and examined by the defender and then the prosecution will have an opportunity to cross. Let’s begin now. Will the Defense call their first witness?
KORNBUS
Yes, your Honor. The Defense calls Michael Moore to the stand.
(Michael Moore takes the witness chair)
KORNBUS (cont’d)
Hello, Michael. How are you today?
MOORE
I’m very well, thank you.
KORNBUS
I had not even planned on calling you as a witness, but you insisted, didn’t you?
MOORE
Yes. I wanted a chance to respond personally to the allegations against me.
KORNBUS
Well, let’s begin. The first charge that the prosecution argued in this trial was that your film, Fahrenheit 9/11, is full of lies. How do you respond to that?
MOORE
I would respond by saying that the people who say that type of stuff probably haven’t seen my film. Or, if they have, haven’t bothered to do any research themselves.
KORNBUS
What do you think about the people who judge your film without seeing it?
MOORE
I think they are acting in an immoral and dishonest way. I feel that way especially with people like Mr. Limbaugh and Mr. O’Reilly, who have a wide audience of people who trust them. The fact of the matter is, they are 2 of the most respected voices in radio and news, particularly O’Reilly. Millions and millions of folks tune into their shows wanting to hear the truth. And for them to just pander to a party line without doing any fact checking, well, that’s upsetting.
KORNBUS
Speaking of fact checking, how do you operate in that department?
MOORE
I hire fact checkers for all of my projects, Fahrenheit 9/11 included. For this movie I hired three teams of lawyers and the one-time fact checkers for the New Yorker to go through it with a fine-tooth comb to find any inaccuracies. What you see in the theaters is 100% accurate and true. I guarantee you of that. The opinions in the film are mine and anyone has a right to disagree with them. But the facts stated are irrefutable. I am actually thinking about offering a $10,000 reward to anyone who can find one stated fact in the movie that isn’t the truth.
KORNBUS
Wow, that would be very interesting.
MOORE
Yes, it would. It would shut up a lot of the people who spout off about how inaccurate it is but have nothing to back up their claims. I mean, look, I welcome a discussion of the issues. That’s why I made the movie. But a lot of these pundits and talking heads are just adhering to a party line when they make these kind of accusations. All I ask is that if you feel the movie is riddled with lies, prove it. Show me that I’m wrong before you judge me.
KORNBUS
That seems fair to me. And Michael, what about the people who testified that you are anti-American? How do you wish to respond to that?
MOORE
That was hurtful. Because I don’t understand the charge. What is more American than asking questions? It was Thomas Jefferson who said that “dissent is the highest form of patriotism.” And that’s all I’m trying to do. I don’t put much stock is just blindly following the leadership of this country. You can get into big trouble that way. The citizens of this country are always supposed to be checking over the shoulders of their elected officials. They are paid to serve the people. It’s not the other way around.
KORNBUS
Some people feel you are a propagandist. Is that true?
MOORE
I guess in some ways I am. But my work is a reactionary response to the propaganda that spews out of Washington D.C. each and every day. Isn’t it propaganda when George Bush goes on television and tells the American people that Al-Qaeda and Iraq were in cahoots? Isn’t it propaganda when we’re told that the “terrorists hate our freedom” or that Saddam Hussein was building weapons of mass destruction? I think so. But the only difference between my propaganda and theirs is that I can back mine up. What I say is the truth. Where’s the proof behind the charge that Saddam and Osama were working together? There isn’t any. Where’s the weapons of mass destruction? They can’t find them. Do the terrorists really hate our freedom or are they angry because we ally ourselves with the Saudi Royals while that country tops Amnesty International’s list of human rights violators? These are questions I feel I have every right to ask and be given the answers to. And I’m going to keep asking them until I do.
KORNBUS
No further questions.
JUDGE
Would the prosecution care to cross-examine the witness?
LIMBAUGH
Uh...no. I can’t think of anything to refute what he just said.
JUDGE
Very well. Would the defense like to call another witness?
KORNBUS
No, your Honor. The defense rests.
JUDGE
Excellent. We will recess until Wednesday, when closing arguments will begin. After closing arguments are given, I will give my decision. Court is adjourned until then.
Defense Testimony
JUDGE
Please be seated. Court is now in session. Today we will begin Defense testimony. A witness will be called and examined by the defender and then the prosecution will have an opportunity to cross. Let’s begin now. Will the Defense call their first witness?
KORNBUS
Yes, your Honor. The Defense calls Michael Moore to the stand.
(Michael Moore takes the witness chair)
KORNBUS (cont’d)
Hello, Michael. How are you today?
MOORE
I’m very well, thank you.
KORNBUS
I had not even planned on calling you as a witness, but you insisted, didn’t you?
MOORE
Yes. I wanted a chance to respond personally to the allegations against me.
KORNBUS
Well, let’s begin. The first charge that the prosecution argued in this trial was that your film, Fahrenheit 9/11, is full of lies. How do you respond to that?
MOORE
I would respond by saying that the people who say that type of stuff probably haven’t seen my film. Or, if they have, haven’t bothered to do any research themselves.
KORNBUS
What do you think about the people who judge your film without seeing it?
MOORE
I think they are acting in an immoral and dishonest way. I feel that way especially with people like Mr. Limbaugh and Mr. O’Reilly, who have a wide audience of people who trust them. The fact of the matter is, they are 2 of the most respected voices in radio and news, particularly O’Reilly. Millions and millions of folks tune into their shows wanting to hear the truth. And for them to just pander to a party line without doing any fact checking, well, that’s upsetting.
KORNBUS
Speaking of fact checking, how do you operate in that department?
MOORE
I hire fact checkers for all of my projects, Fahrenheit 9/11 included. For this movie I hired three teams of lawyers and the one-time fact checkers for the New Yorker to go through it with a fine-tooth comb to find any inaccuracies. What you see in the theaters is 100% accurate and true. I guarantee you of that. The opinions in the film are mine and anyone has a right to disagree with them. But the facts stated are irrefutable. I am actually thinking about offering a $10,000 reward to anyone who can find one stated fact in the movie that isn’t the truth.
KORNBUS
Wow, that would be very interesting.
MOORE
Yes, it would. It would shut up a lot of the people who spout off about how inaccurate it is but have nothing to back up their claims. I mean, look, I welcome a discussion of the issues. That’s why I made the movie. But a lot of these pundits and talking heads are just adhering to a party line when they make these kind of accusations. All I ask is that if you feel the movie is riddled with lies, prove it. Show me that I’m wrong before you judge me.
KORNBUS
That seems fair to me. And Michael, what about the people who testified that you are anti-American? How do you wish to respond to that?
MOORE
That was hurtful. Because I don’t understand the charge. What is more American than asking questions? It was Thomas Jefferson who said that “dissent is the highest form of patriotism.” And that’s all I’m trying to do. I don’t put much stock is just blindly following the leadership of this country. You can get into big trouble that way. The citizens of this country are always supposed to be checking over the shoulders of their elected officials. They are paid to serve the people. It’s not the other way around.
KORNBUS
Some people feel you are a propagandist. Is that true?
MOORE
I guess in some ways I am. But my work is a reactionary response to the propaganda that spews out of Washington D.C. each and every day. Isn’t it propaganda when George Bush goes on television and tells the American people that Al-Qaeda and Iraq were in cahoots? Isn’t it propaganda when we’re told that the “terrorists hate our freedom” or that Saddam Hussein was building weapons of mass destruction? I think so. But the only difference between my propaganda and theirs is that I can back mine up. What I say is the truth. Where’s the proof behind the charge that Saddam and Osama were working together? There isn’t any. Where’s the weapons of mass destruction? They can’t find them. Do the terrorists really hate our freedom or are they angry because we ally ourselves with the Saudi Royals while that country tops Amnesty International’s list of human rights violators? These are questions I feel I have every right to ask and be given the answers to. And I’m going to keep asking them until I do.
KORNBUS
No further questions.
JUDGE
Would the prosecution care to cross-examine the witness?
LIMBAUGH
Uh...no. I can’t think of anything to refute what he just said.
JUDGE
Very well. Would the defense like to call another witness?
KORNBUS
No, your Honor. The defense rests.
JUDGE
Excellent. We will recess until Wednesday, when closing arguments will begin. After closing arguments are given, I will give my decision. Court is adjourned until then.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
THE TRIAL OF MICHAEL MOORE: DAY THREE
Charge #3: Michael Moore is Anti-American
JUDGE
Please be seated. Court is now in session. Mr. Limbaugh, call your next witness.
LIMBAUGH
The defense calls Ann Coulter to the stand
(Coulter takes the witness stand)
LIMBAUGH (Cont’d)
Ms. Coulter, for those not familiar with your work, please explain what it is that you do.
COULTER
I am an author and a co-host on the Fox News Channel.
LIMBAUGH
You’ve been brought here today to testify that Michael Moore is anti-American. Is this your feeling?
COULTER
Yes, it is.
LIMBAUGH
Please be specific. Why do you feel Michael Moore is anti-American?
COULTER
Because he is a left-wing nut. His movie, Fahrenheit 7/11, or whatever it’s called, does more to aid terrorists than protest them. It’s this type of “blame America first” nonsense that stirs up anti-American feelings around the world and provides fodder for groups like Al-Qaeda.
LIMBAUGH
How so?
COULTER
Well, think about it. Everytime a nut like Michael Moore publicly undermines the Presidency of George W. Bush, it gives rise to terrorist groups here and abroad. If we don’t support our President, we leave ourselves wide open to attack.
LIMBAUGH
Well put, Ms. Coulter. No further questions.
JUDGE
Would the defense care to cross examine?
KORNBUS
Yes. Ms. Coulter, you’ve stated that Mr. Moore’s film aids terrorists, correct?
COULTER
Yes.
KORNBUS
Would you also agree then, that President Bush’s habit of alienating countries like Canada and France, also could aid terrorists?
COULTER
No. That’s garbage! That is completely unfair.
KORNBUS
Ms. Coulter, do you remember saying that the United States should invade enemy nations and convert them all to Christianity?
COULTER
Uhm, yes. But I was being...
KORNBUS
Never mind what you were being. Statements like that give rise to the terrorists all around the world that hate the United States. In fact, statements like that are exactly why many nations hate our country.
COULTER
Baloney!
KORNBUS
No, ma’am, it’s not baloney. It’s exactly those type of imperialistic and jingoistic attitudes that breed terrorists like Osama bin Laden. It’s certainly not film makers like Michael Moore.
COULTER
Whatever. Michael Moore is the one trying to destroy the legitimacy of a sitting President.
KORNBUS
So, I gather it is your opinion that when Michael Moore, or a group of people in general, tries to undermine a President, that they are being anti-American. Would that be fair to state?
COULTER
Yes. And Michael Moore certainly is being anti-American.
KORNBUS
Ok. Let me make sure I understand. Michael Moore is anti-American because he wants to kick George W. Bush out of office.
COULTER
Yes.
KORNBUS
Then what would you call it when you and conservative groups across the nation were trying to oust Clinton?
COULTER
That’s different! That was a completely different...
KORNBUS
Save it! No further questions.
COULTER
This is bullshit! This is a travesty! Where’s the goddamn justice?
JUDGE
Quiet down, Ms. Coulter!! You are no longer a witness in this trial. Please exit the witness area and leave the courtroom.
COULTER
I will not leave the courtroom! This is the biggest crock of shit I have ever...
JUDGE
Ms. Coulter!! One more word out of you and you will be found in contempt.
COULTER
I find you in contempt!
JUDGE
Bailiff, remove this mental patient.
(Bailiff removes Coulter, who kicks and screams the entire way out.)
JUDGE (Cont’d)
There will be no more outbursts in my courtroom. Understand that now. No more! Mr. Limbaugh, would you like to call your next witness?
LIMBAUGH
Yes, I would like to call Newt Gingrich.
(Newt Gingrich takes the stand)
LIMABAUGH (cont’d)
Mr. Gingrich, what is your opinion of Michael Moore.
GINGRICH
That he is an anti-American idiot with an anti-American movie being shown in anti-American theaters.
LIMBAUGH
Wow! Very strong words, sir. I’ll keep this brief. Why do you feel Mr. Moore is anti-American?
GINGRICH
Because he cares more about countries like Canada and France then he does for the United States. Just look at what festivals he entered his little movie in.
LIMBAUGH
Please, tell the court what you mean.
GINGRICH
He entered it in Cannes, the French Film Festival. France of course is the same crummy country who turned their back on our Coalition of the Willing! And I’ll be damned if Michael Moore didn’t win the top prize at the festival. And isn’t that just fitting? Give the anti-American movie the top prize in a country who flaunts its disdain for our country.
LIMBAUGH
No further questions.
(Kornbus steps up to cross examine)
KORNBUS
Mr. Gingrich, I will also keep this brief. Where are your credentials?
GINGRICH
What credentials are you speaking of?
KORNBUS
The credentials that give you the jurisdiction of declaring what is American and what is not.
GINGRICH
I have no credentials such as those. However, I was Speaker of the House! I think I have a pretty good idea!
KORNBUS
Uh-huh. And is leaving your wife while she has cancer the American thing to do?
GINGRICH
How dare you, sir! How dare you bring my personal life into this trial!
KORNBUS
I apologize, Mr. Speaker. However, I felt that since you are so well versed in the aspects of Americanism, you would like to lecture us on how leaving your wife when she has cancer is American.
GINGRICH
I do not have to answer that!
KORNBUS
I think you just did, sir. Nothing further.
GINGRICH
Your Honor, are you just going to let him get away with this?
JUDGE
Oh, shut up, Newt. You disgust me. Get out of my courtroom.
(Newt huffs and puffs his way out)
JUDGE (cont’d)
Call your next witness, Mr. Limbaugh
LIMBAUGH
The prosecution calls Dennis Miller.
(Dennis Miller takes the stand)
LIMBAUGH (cont’d)
Mr. Miller, what is your opinion of Michael Moore?
MILLER
Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.
LIMBAUGH
Do you find him to be anti-American?
MILLER
Yes, I do. He runs around with his stupid little microphone asking his stupid little questions. Meanwhile, we’ve got troops over in Iraq taking names and kicking ass. They’re over there defending our freedom and what Moore does cheapens their sacrifice.
LIMBAUGH
I see. Nothing further, your Honor.
JUDGE (to Kornbus)
Your witness.
KORNBUS
Thank you, your Honor. Mr. Miller, I know you support our troops. So does Michael Moore. You see, questioning an administration that sends our sons and daughters to die in a war for no reason is testament to that. Don’t you agree?
MILLER
Oh, Michael Moore is a stupid moron.
KORNBUS
You’re welcome to your opinion, sir. But don’t you think that...
MILLER
He is utterly, completely wrong. Just a waste of sperm and eggs!
KORNBUS
Dennis, I’m sure Mr. Bush appreciates your support, but wouldn’t you say...
MILLER
The audacity of a big, fat bastard like Michael Moore throwing roadblocks in the way of an effort to liberate Iraq. Christ!
KORNBUS
I remember when you used to be funny. Now I just feel sorry for you. No further questions for this witness. It’s pointless.
JUDGE
Step down, Mr. Miller.
(Dennis Miller leaves the witness area)
JUDGE (cont’d)
Do you have any other witnesses Mr. Limbaugh?
LIMBAUGH
Yes, your Honor. One more. The prosecution calls to the stand....former President, George Herbert Walker Bush!
(The former President, flanked by Secret Service, takes the stand)
LIMBAUGH (cont’d)
Mr. President, it’s a great honor to meet you.
BUSH SR.
Thank you. Likewise.
LIMBAUGH
Let’s get down to business, sir. You’ve come here today to help convince the judge and the world that Michael Moore is anti-American. What about him do you find to be anti-American?
BUSH SR.
Many things. My son is the current President of the United States and Michael Moore is trying his best to thwart his upcoming re-election. It makes me sick. Mr. Moore is nothing but a slime ball.
LIMBAUGH
How is he trying to thwart your son’s re-election?
BUSH SR.
By spreading lies about him. My boy went to Iraq for all the right reasons. The fact is that Saddam Hussein has been developing weapons of mass destruction for years. He is a dictator who has gassed his own people and suppressed even the most fundamental of human rights
LIMBAUGH
So you do not feel, as Michael Moore does, that our troops are being sent into a situation they do not belong in?
BUSH SR.
Correct. The allegations Michael Moore is throwing around are just B.S., plain and simple. His charges are baseless. Completely unfounded.
LIMBAUGH
And these lies he is telling about the reasons for war, how do they make him anti-American? Explain that.
BUSH SR.
Because they divide our country. My son campaigned and won on a platform of being a compassionate conservative. He is not a warmongering fascist. My son served as the Governor of Texas and was, in his own words, a uniter, not a divider. He brought people of all party affiliations together for the greater good. Now, when people like Michael Moore run around making false accusations, the citizens of this great country can be fooled into thinking it’s all truthful. What this does, Mr. Limbaugh, is divide the people of the United States when we should all be fighting together against terrorism.
LIMBAUGH
That’s very eloquent, Mr. President. What do you think should be done with people like Michael Moore?
BUSH SR.
They should be tried for treason. If I had my way he would be tried, convicted and sentenced to the maximum allowable penalty under the law.
LIMBAUGH
No further questions.
JUDGE
Would the defense like to cross examine?
KORNBUS
Yes, your Honor.
JUDGE
Please proceed.
KORNBUS
Thank you. Mr. President, do you believe in the First Amendment and the right to freedom of speech?
BUSH SR.
Of course I do. What kind of question is that?
KORNBUS
As a proponent of said Amendment, why don’t you feel that Michael Moore has the right to speak his mind?
BUSH SR.
Because as I’ve said, he speaks nothing but lies. And those lies divide our country and aid terrorists.
KORNBUS
I see. That’s a rather interesting interpretation of our Constitution, sir. I have to hand it to you. So, you basically feel that when a person does something that causes a division in the opinions of Americans, that person is committing treason. Is that right?
BUSH SR.
Correct.
KORNBUS
When you and former President Reagan sold chemical weapons to Saddam Hussein, do you feel that counts as causing division in the country?
BUSH SR.
How dare you!
KORNBUS
Well, forgive me Mr. President, but I feel that act alone has caused more animosity towards this country than anything Michael Moore has ever done.
BUSH SR.
That’s ludicrous!
KORNBUS
It’s been very divisive. So, would you like to turn yourself in today as a person who has committed treason? We could get this trial started very quickly, I’m sure.
BUSH SR.
This is a mockery. Where the hell are you going with this?
KORNBUS
The facts are these: Saddam Hussein had no weapons of mass destruction, but the weapons he has had in the past he got from you, sir. Yes, Hussein is a horrible human being and yes he did use chemical weapons against the Kurds. But you share the blame in that too, don’t you? After all, you were part of the administration that showed him how to do it. You provided him with the ways and the means, including the satellite technology needed to pinpoint the intended targets. How can Michael Moore possibly compare to any of that?
BUSH SR
Well....I...uhm...
KORNBUS
Nothing further.
JUDGE
Please step down, Mr. President.
(Bush Sr. is escorted out by Secret Service, still looking confused)
JUDGE (cont’d)
Mr. Limbaugh, was that your last witness?
LIMBAUGH
Yes, your Honor. The prosecution rests.
JUDGE
Very well. We will take a recess and convene again on Friday with the defense’s first witnesses. Court is adjourned.
Charge #3: Michael Moore is Anti-American
JUDGE
Please be seated. Court is now in session. Mr. Limbaugh, call your next witness.
LIMBAUGH
The defense calls Ann Coulter to the stand
(Coulter takes the witness stand)
LIMBAUGH (Cont’d)
Ms. Coulter, for those not familiar with your work, please explain what it is that you do.
COULTER
I am an author and a co-host on the Fox News Channel.
LIMBAUGH
You’ve been brought here today to testify that Michael Moore is anti-American. Is this your feeling?
COULTER
Yes, it is.
LIMBAUGH
Please be specific. Why do you feel Michael Moore is anti-American?
COULTER
Because he is a left-wing nut. His movie, Fahrenheit 7/11, or whatever it’s called, does more to aid terrorists than protest them. It’s this type of “blame America first” nonsense that stirs up anti-American feelings around the world and provides fodder for groups like Al-Qaeda.
LIMBAUGH
How so?
COULTER
Well, think about it. Everytime a nut like Michael Moore publicly undermines the Presidency of George W. Bush, it gives rise to terrorist groups here and abroad. If we don’t support our President, we leave ourselves wide open to attack.
LIMBAUGH
Well put, Ms. Coulter. No further questions.
JUDGE
Would the defense care to cross examine?
KORNBUS
Yes. Ms. Coulter, you’ve stated that Mr. Moore’s film aids terrorists, correct?
COULTER
Yes.
KORNBUS
Would you also agree then, that President Bush’s habit of alienating countries like Canada and France, also could aid terrorists?
COULTER
No. That’s garbage! That is completely unfair.
KORNBUS
Ms. Coulter, do you remember saying that the United States should invade enemy nations and convert them all to Christianity?
COULTER
Uhm, yes. But I was being...
KORNBUS
Never mind what you were being. Statements like that give rise to the terrorists all around the world that hate the United States. In fact, statements like that are exactly why many nations hate our country.
COULTER
Baloney!
KORNBUS
No, ma’am, it’s not baloney. It’s exactly those type of imperialistic and jingoistic attitudes that breed terrorists like Osama bin Laden. It’s certainly not film makers like Michael Moore.
COULTER
Whatever. Michael Moore is the one trying to destroy the legitimacy of a sitting President.
KORNBUS
So, I gather it is your opinion that when Michael Moore, or a group of people in general, tries to undermine a President, that they are being anti-American. Would that be fair to state?
COULTER
Yes. And Michael Moore certainly is being anti-American.
KORNBUS
Ok. Let me make sure I understand. Michael Moore is anti-American because he wants to kick George W. Bush out of office.
COULTER
Yes.
KORNBUS
Then what would you call it when you and conservative groups across the nation were trying to oust Clinton?
COULTER
That’s different! That was a completely different...
KORNBUS
Save it! No further questions.
COULTER
This is bullshit! This is a travesty! Where’s the goddamn justice?
JUDGE
Quiet down, Ms. Coulter!! You are no longer a witness in this trial. Please exit the witness area and leave the courtroom.
COULTER
I will not leave the courtroom! This is the biggest crock of shit I have ever...
JUDGE
Ms. Coulter!! One more word out of you and you will be found in contempt.
COULTER
I find you in contempt!
JUDGE
Bailiff, remove this mental patient.
(Bailiff removes Coulter, who kicks and screams the entire way out.)
JUDGE (Cont’d)
There will be no more outbursts in my courtroom. Understand that now. No more! Mr. Limbaugh, would you like to call your next witness?
LIMBAUGH
Yes, I would like to call Newt Gingrich.
(Newt Gingrich takes the stand)
LIMABAUGH (cont’d)
Mr. Gingrich, what is your opinion of Michael Moore.
GINGRICH
That he is an anti-American idiot with an anti-American movie being shown in anti-American theaters.
LIMBAUGH
Wow! Very strong words, sir. I’ll keep this brief. Why do you feel Mr. Moore is anti-American?
GINGRICH
Because he cares more about countries like Canada and France then he does for the United States. Just look at what festivals he entered his little movie in.
LIMBAUGH
Please, tell the court what you mean.
GINGRICH
He entered it in Cannes, the French Film Festival. France of course is the same crummy country who turned their back on our Coalition of the Willing! And I’ll be damned if Michael Moore didn’t win the top prize at the festival. And isn’t that just fitting? Give the anti-American movie the top prize in a country who flaunts its disdain for our country.
LIMBAUGH
No further questions.
(Kornbus steps up to cross examine)
KORNBUS
Mr. Gingrich, I will also keep this brief. Where are your credentials?
GINGRICH
What credentials are you speaking of?
KORNBUS
The credentials that give you the jurisdiction of declaring what is American and what is not.
GINGRICH
I have no credentials such as those. However, I was Speaker of the House! I think I have a pretty good idea!
KORNBUS
Uh-huh. And is leaving your wife while she has cancer the American thing to do?
GINGRICH
How dare you, sir! How dare you bring my personal life into this trial!
KORNBUS
I apologize, Mr. Speaker. However, I felt that since you are so well versed in the aspects of Americanism, you would like to lecture us on how leaving your wife when she has cancer is American.
GINGRICH
I do not have to answer that!
KORNBUS
I think you just did, sir. Nothing further.
GINGRICH
Your Honor, are you just going to let him get away with this?
JUDGE
Oh, shut up, Newt. You disgust me. Get out of my courtroom.
(Newt huffs and puffs his way out)
JUDGE (cont’d)
Call your next witness, Mr. Limbaugh
LIMBAUGH
The prosecution calls Dennis Miller.
(Dennis Miller takes the stand)
LIMBAUGH (cont’d)
Mr. Miller, what is your opinion of Michael Moore?
MILLER
Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.
LIMBAUGH
Do you find him to be anti-American?
MILLER
Yes, I do. He runs around with his stupid little microphone asking his stupid little questions. Meanwhile, we’ve got troops over in Iraq taking names and kicking ass. They’re over there defending our freedom and what Moore does cheapens their sacrifice.
LIMBAUGH
I see. Nothing further, your Honor.
JUDGE (to Kornbus)
Your witness.
KORNBUS
Thank you, your Honor. Mr. Miller, I know you support our troops. So does Michael Moore. You see, questioning an administration that sends our sons and daughters to die in a war for no reason is testament to that. Don’t you agree?
MILLER
Oh, Michael Moore is a stupid moron.
KORNBUS
You’re welcome to your opinion, sir. But don’t you think that...
MILLER
He is utterly, completely wrong. Just a waste of sperm and eggs!
KORNBUS
Dennis, I’m sure Mr. Bush appreciates your support, but wouldn’t you say...
MILLER
The audacity of a big, fat bastard like Michael Moore throwing roadblocks in the way of an effort to liberate Iraq. Christ!
KORNBUS
I remember when you used to be funny. Now I just feel sorry for you. No further questions for this witness. It’s pointless.
JUDGE
Step down, Mr. Miller.
(Dennis Miller leaves the witness area)
JUDGE (cont’d)
Do you have any other witnesses Mr. Limbaugh?
LIMBAUGH
Yes, your Honor. One more. The prosecution calls to the stand....former President, George Herbert Walker Bush!
(The former President, flanked by Secret Service, takes the stand)
LIMBAUGH (cont’d)
Mr. President, it’s a great honor to meet you.
BUSH SR.
Thank you. Likewise.
LIMBAUGH
Let’s get down to business, sir. You’ve come here today to help convince the judge and the world that Michael Moore is anti-American. What about him do you find to be anti-American?
BUSH SR.
Many things. My son is the current President of the United States and Michael Moore is trying his best to thwart his upcoming re-election. It makes me sick. Mr. Moore is nothing but a slime ball.
LIMBAUGH
How is he trying to thwart your son’s re-election?
BUSH SR.
By spreading lies about him. My boy went to Iraq for all the right reasons. The fact is that Saddam Hussein has been developing weapons of mass destruction for years. He is a dictator who has gassed his own people and suppressed even the most fundamental of human rights
LIMBAUGH
So you do not feel, as Michael Moore does, that our troops are being sent into a situation they do not belong in?
BUSH SR.
Correct. The allegations Michael Moore is throwing around are just B.S., plain and simple. His charges are baseless. Completely unfounded.
LIMBAUGH
And these lies he is telling about the reasons for war, how do they make him anti-American? Explain that.
BUSH SR.
Because they divide our country. My son campaigned and won on a platform of being a compassionate conservative. He is not a warmongering fascist. My son served as the Governor of Texas and was, in his own words, a uniter, not a divider. He brought people of all party affiliations together for the greater good. Now, when people like Michael Moore run around making false accusations, the citizens of this great country can be fooled into thinking it’s all truthful. What this does, Mr. Limbaugh, is divide the people of the United States when we should all be fighting together against terrorism.
LIMBAUGH
That’s very eloquent, Mr. President. What do you think should be done with people like Michael Moore?
BUSH SR.
They should be tried for treason. If I had my way he would be tried, convicted and sentenced to the maximum allowable penalty under the law.
LIMBAUGH
No further questions.
JUDGE
Would the defense like to cross examine?
KORNBUS
Yes, your Honor.
JUDGE
Please proceed.
KORNBUS
Thank you. Mr. President, do you believe in the First Amendment and the right to freedom of speech?
BUSH SR.
Of course I do. What kind of question is that?
KORNBUS
As a proponent of said Amendment, why don’t you feel that Michael Moore has the right to speak his mind?
BUSH SR.
Because as I’ve said, he speaks nothing but lies. And those lies divide our country and aid terrorists.
KORNBUS
I see. That’s a rather interesting interpretation of our Constitution, sir. I have to hand it to you. So, you basically feel that when a person does something that causes a division in the opinions of Americans, that person is committing treason. Is that right?
BUSH SR.
Correct.
KORNBUS
When you and former President Reagan sold chemical weapons to Saddam Hussein, do you feel that counts as causing division in the country?
BUSH SR.
How dare you!
KORNBUS
Well, forgive me Mr. President, but I feel that act alone has caused more animosity towards this country than anything Michael Moore has ever done.
BUSH SR.
That’s ludicrous!
KORNBUS
It’s been very divisive. So, would you like to turn yourself in today as a person who has committed treason? We could get this trial started very quickly, I’m sure.
BUSH SR.
This is a mockery. Where the hell are you going with this?
KORNBUS
The facts are these: Saddam Hussein had no weapons of mass destruction, but the weapons he has had in the past he got from you, sir. Yes, Hussein is a horrible human being and yes he did use chemical weapons against the Kurds. But you share the blame in that too, don’t you? After all, you were part of the administration that showed him how to do it. You provided him with the ways and the means, including the satellite technology needed to pinpoint the intended targets. How can Michael Moore possibly compare to any of that?
BUSH SR
Well....I...uhm...
KORNBUS
Nothing further.
JUDGE
Please step down, Mr. President.
(Bush Sr. is escorted out by Secret Service, still looking confused)
JUDGE (cont’d)
Mr. Limbaugh, was that your last witness?
LIMBAUGH
Yes, your Honor. The prosecution rests.
JUDGE
Very well. We will take a recess and convene again on Friday with the defense’s first witnesses. Court is adjourned.
Sunday, July 04, 2004
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!
Friends, Americans, Countrymen, lend me your ears. I just wanted to write a brief note wishing everyone reading a Happy holiday weekend. Hopefully you are all as far away from work as possible and eating more than your fair share of hot dogs and hamburgers.
In the spirit of this holiday, I am postponing the mock trial a day or two. Not just because I plan on stuffing my fat face all day, but because I plan on writing a lot more than I originally thought I would and will need a little extra time to make sure it's worthy of reading.
Also, I hope everyone remembers the true spirit of July 4th and understands that questioning the policies of our leaders's is an act of love for country. Like the best parents do, the citizens of this country should always want the best for this nation we call home. Wanting it to constantly be better is an act of love, make no mistake about that.
Ok, I'm through with my cornball approach to weblog writing. Have fun today and enjoy the fireworks.
Friends, Americans, Countrymen, lend me your ears. I just wanted to write a brief note wishing everyone reading a Happy holiday weekend. Hopefully you are all as far away from work as possible and eating more than your fair share of hot dogs and hamburgers.
In the spirit of this holiday, I am postponing the mock trial a day or two. Not just because I plan on stuffing my fat face all day, but because I plan on writing a lot more than I originally thought I would and will need a little extra time to make sure it's worthy of reading.
Also, I hope everyone remembers the true spirit of July 4th and understands that questioning the policies of our leaders's is an act of love for country. Like the best parents do, the citizens of this country should always want the best for this nation we call home. Wanting it to constantly be better is an act of love, make no mistake about that.
Ok, I'm through with my cornball approach to weblog writing. Have fun today and enjoy the fireworks.
Saturday, July 03, 2004
THE TRIAL OF MICHAEL MOORE: DAY TWO
Charge #2: Michael Moore is a Liar
JUDGE
Court is now in session. Please be seated. Mr. Limbaugh, call your next witness.
LIMBAUGH
Thank you, your honor. The prosecution calls Bill O’Reilly to the stand.
(Bill O’Reilly takes his seat in the witness chair)
LIMBAUGH (cont’d)
Mr. O’Reilly, what do you do for a living?
O’REILLY
I am a journalist. My main claim to fame is hosting the O’Reilly Factor on the Fox News Channel, but I’ve also authored several books, including a novel.
LIMBAUGH
I see. And the show you do is what is called the “No Spin Zone,” correct?
O’REILLY
That’s correct. I don’t allow people to come on my program and lie or try to distort the truth.
LIMBAUGH
And how does that generally work out for you?
O’REILLY
Quite well. I’ve been interviewing newsmakers my entire career. I know how to handle them. And the American people seem to agree. I have the highest rated television show on cable news.
LIMBAUGH
Have you interviewed Michael Moore before?
O’REILLY
I have. Yes.
LIMBAUGH
What were your impressions of him?
O’REILLY
I came away believing that Mr. Moore deceives for his own personal gain. That is to say that his books and his recent film, Fahrenheit 9/11, are riddled with lies and he is making millions off of this junk. Millions!
LIMBAUGH
Leaving aside Moore’s personal wealth, what about his books do you consider to be lies?
O’REILLY
The question should be what don’t I consider to be lies? In his book, “Dude, Where’s My Country?,” he insinuates that President Bush is some kind of dictator who wants to rule the world. I mean, come on! That’s ridiculous. He is not a dictator.
LIMBAUGH
Point taken. What about his latest film? What lies are there in that?
O’REILLY
Tons. But among the biggest is his claim that the U.S. Government flew Saudi’s and members of the bin Laden family out of the country while everyone else was grounded after 9/11. This is just a bald faced lie, and the 9/11 Commission’s report contradicts it.
LIMBAUGH
Really? He was that brazenly dishonest?
O’REILLY
Oh yes. Absolutely. It’s a shame too, because people are seeing that movie expecting to see the truth. But what they’re being shown is lie after lie. It’s propaganda. I’ve said it time and time again, but Michael Moore is like Joseph Goebbels in that way. He’s a propagandist.
LIMBAUGH
Nothing further, your Honor.
JUDGE
Would the Defense like to cross-examine?
KORNBUS
Yes, your Honor.
JUDGE
Please proceed.
KORNBUS
You stated that Mr. Moore is like Joseph Goebbels. A propagandist. Is that right?
O’REILLY
Yes.
KORNBUS
Would you admit that you are being unfair? To liken Michael Moore to a Nazi is a little excessive, wouldn’t you say?
O’REILLY
I didn’t liken him to being a Nazi.
KORNBUS
You said he was like Joseph Goebbels.
O’REILLY
Yes.
KORNBUS
Goebbels was a Nazi, sir. He was in charge of administering Nazi propaganda.
O’REILLY
I was merely making a comparison. Moore is a propagandist like Goebbels was a propagandist. Nothing more, nothing less.
KORBUS
Ah, see, you’re spinning now, Mr. O’Reilly. For someone who likes to think of themselves as a “no-spin” type of guy, I find that a little bit odd.
O’REILLY
I’m not spinning. I’m just telling you, Goebbels did exactly what Moore is doing.
KORNBUS
Forgive me, but that’s spin, sir. When you compare someone like Michael Moore to a Nazi, you are making a bold statement. You want people to think of Michael Moore and Nazi’s at the same time. That’s pretty low, O’Reilly.
O’REILLY
It’s hyperbole, alright?
KORNBUS
Oh, it’s hyperbole now. Exaggeration. Like Michael Moore comparing Bush to a dictator is an exaggeration. Am I right?
O’REILLY
No, that’s different. That’s the President of the...
KORNBUS
Save it, okay? You’re spinning so much you’re starting to get dizzy. I don’t want you to fall on your face.
O’REILLY
Oh please.
KORNBUS
Let’s move on.
O’REILLY
Yes, let’s. This is a sham.
KORNBUS
Mr. O’Reilly, have you seen Fahrenheit 9/11?
O’REILLY
I’ve seen about half of it.
KORNBUS
Half?
O’REILLY
Yes. I attended a premiere of the film but couldn’t stand sitting through the lies. I got up and left, it’s as simple as that.
KORNBUS
Yes, I’ve heard you state that on your television program; that you’ve only seen half of the film. But I have to ask, if you’ve only seen half of the movie, why do you feel you are qualified to criticize it as a whole?
O’REILLY
I seen enough of it to understand what a farce it was.
KORNBUS
I see. So you feel that you can pass judgment on anything as long as you see just enough to get a feel for the content?
O’REILLY
Basically, yes.
KORNBUS
So, for instance, you feel it would be fair for me to judge your books if I’d only read the inside flap?
O’REILLY
You can do whatever you want. It’s a free country.
KORNBUS
Yes it is, isn’t it? However, in this country, we have a word for judging something before giving it a fair shake. It’s called prejudice, Mr. O’Reilly. And it’s unfair to prejudge Michael Moore’s work, especially as a respected journalist.
O’REILLY
You can think whatever you want about my journalism career, but the fact of the matter is that Fahrenheit 9/11 is riddled with lies.
KORNBUS
Lies? Let’s discuss those lies. You’ve stated that Michael Moore made it clear in his film that the bin Laden’s and other Saudi’s were flown out of the country after 9/11 while the rest of us were still grounded. Is that correct?
O’REILLY
Yes, that’s correct.
KORNBUS
Well, I researched that Mr O’Reilly. You see, unlike yourself, I’ve actually seen the entire film. I’ve watched it from beginning to end and I found a transcript from the film regarding the statement in question. Would you like me to read to you from the transcript?
O’REILLY
If you’d like. I don’t see the point, though.
KORNBUS
Oh, you will. This is directly from the movie. Here we go: “It turns out that the White House approved planes to pick up the bin Ladens and numerous other Saudis. At least six private jets and nearly two-dozen commercial planes carried the Saudis and the bin Ladens out of the U.S. after September 13. In all, 142 Saudis, including 24 members of the bin Laden family were allowed to leave the country.” Did you hear that, Mr O’Reilly? After September 13th!
O’REILLY
So?
KORNBUS
Do you know what the significance of that date is?
O’REILLY
No. Why don’t you tell me?
KORNBUS
September 13th is the very day that the FAA began lifting restrictions on air travel. In fact, it was between September 14th and September 24th that these bin Laden flights took place. That certainly qualifies as being after September 13th, as Michael Moore states in Fahrenheit 9/11. Wouldn’t you agree?
O’REILLY
I suppose.
KORNBUS
This information is all in the 9/11 Commission’s report. But you probably didn’t get to that part. Like with Michael Moore’s film, you had probably seen enough of it halfway through. No further questions, your Honor.
JUDGE
You may step down, Mr. O’Reilly.
(O’Reilly steps down)
JUDGE (cont’d)
We will once again take a two day recess before trial testimony will continue. Court is adjourned.
Charge #2: Michael Moore is a Liar
JUDGE
Court is now in session. Please be seated. Mr. Limbaugh, call your next witness.
LIMBAUGH
Thank you, your honor. The prosecution calls Bill O’Reilly to the stand.
(Bill O’Reilly takes his seat in the witness chair)
LIMBAUGH (cont’d)
Mr. O’Reilly, what do you do for a living?
O’REILLY
I am a journalist. My main claim to fame is hosting the O’Reilly Factor on the Fox News Channel, but I’ve also authored several books, including a novel.
LIMBAUGH
I see. And the show you do is what is called the “No Spin Zone,” correct?
O’REILLY
That’s correct. I don’t allow people to come on my program and lie or try to distort the truth.
LIMBAUGH
And how does that generally work out for you?
O’REILLY
Quite well. I’ve been interviewing newsmakers my entire career. I know how to handle them. And the American people seem to agree. I have the highest rated television show on cable news.
LIMBAUGH
Have you interviewed Michael Moore before?
O’REILLY
I have. Yes.
LIMBAUGH
What were your impressions of him?
O’REILLY
I came away believing that Mr. Moore deceives for his own personal gain. That is to say that his books and his recent film, Fahrenheit 9/11, are riddled with lies and he is making millions off of this junk. Millions!
LIMBAUGH
Leaving aside Moore’s personal wealth, what about his books do you consider to be lies?
O’REILLY
The question should be what don’t I consider to be lies? In his book, “Dude, Where’s My Country?,” he insinuates that President Bush is some kind of dictator who wants to rule the world. I mean, come on! That’s ridiculous. He is not a dictator.
LIMBAUGH
Point taken. What about his latest film? What lies are there in that?
O’REILLY
Tons. But among the biggest is his claim that the U.S. Government flew Saudi’s and members of the bin Laden family out of the country while everyone else was grounded after 9/11. This is just a bald faced lie, and the 9/11 Commission’s report contradicts it.
LIMBAUGH
Really? He was that brazenly dishonest?
O’REILLY
Oh yes. Absolutely. It’s a shame too, because people are seeing that movie expecting to see the truth. But what they’re being shown is lie after lie. It’s propaganda. I’ve said it time and time again, but Michael Moore is like Joseph Goebbels in that way. He’s a propagandist.
LIMBAUGH
Nothing further, your Honor.
JUDGE
Would the Defense like to cross-examine?
KORNBUS
Yes, your Honor.
JUDGE
Please proceed.
KORNBUS
You stated that Mr. Moore is like Joseph Goebbels. A propagandist. Is that right?
O’REILLY
Yes.
KORNBUS
Would you admit that you are being unfair? To liken Michael Moore to a Nazi is a little excessive, wouldn’t you say?
O’REILLY
I didn’t liken him to being a Nazi.
KORNBUS
You said he was like Joseph Goebbels.
O’REILLY
Yes.
KORNBUS
Goebbels was a Nazi, sir. He was in charge of administering Nazi propaganda.
O’REILLY
I was merely making a comparison. Moore is a propagandist like Goebbels was a propagandist. Nothing more, nothing less.
KORBUS
Ah, see, you’re spinning now, Mr. O’Reilly. For someone who likes to think of themselves as a “no-spin” type of guy, I find that a little bit odd.
O’REILLY
I’m not spinning. I’m just telling you, Goebbels did exactly what Moore is doing.
KORNBUS
Forgive me, but that’s spin, sir. When you compare someone like Michael Moore to a Nazi, you are making a bold statement. You want people to think of Michael Moore and Nazi’s at the same time. That’s pretty low, O’Reilly.
O’REILLY
It’s hyperbole, alright?
KORNBUS
Oh, it’s hyperbole now. Exaggeration. Like Michael Moore comparing Bush to a dictator is an exaggeration. Am I right?
O’REILLY
No, that’s different. That’s the President of the...
KORNBUS
Save it, okay? You’re spinning so much you’re starting to get dizzy. I don’t want you to fall on your face.
O’REILLY
Oh please.
KORNBUS
Let’s move on.
O’REILLY
Yes, let’s. This is a sham.
KORNBUS
Mr. O’Reilly, have you seen Fahrenheit 9/11?
O’REILLY
I’ve seen about half of it.
KORNBUS
Half?
O’REILLY
Yes. I attended a premiere of the film but couldn’t stand sitting through the lies. I got up and left, it’s as simple as that.
KORNBUS
Yes, I’ve heard you state that on your television program; that you’ve only seen half of the film. But I have to ask, if you’ve only seen half of the movie, why do you feel you are qualified to criticize it as a whole?
O’REILLY
I seen enough of it to understand what a farce it was.
KORNBUS
I see. So you feel that you can pass judgment on anything as long as you see just enough to get a feel for the content?
O’REILLY
Basically, yes.
KORNBUS
So, for instance, you feel it would be fair for me to judge your books if I’d only read the inside flap?
O’REILLY
You can do whatever you want. It’s a free country.
KORNBUS
Yes it is, isn’t it? However, in this country, we have a word for judging something before giving it a fair shake. It’s called prejudice, Mr. O’Reilly. And it’s unfair to prejudge Michael Moore’s work, especially as a respected journalist.
O’REILLY
You can think whatever you want about my journalism career, but the fact of the matter is that Fahrenheit 9/11 is riddled with lies.
KORNBUS
Lies? Let’s discuss those lies. You’ve stated that Michael Moore made it clear in his film that the bin Laden’s and other Saudi’s were flown out of the country after 9/11 while the rest of us were still grounded. Is that correct?
O’REILLY
Yes, that’s correct.
KORNBUS
Well, I researched that Mr O’Reilly. You see, unlike yourself, I’ve actually seen the entire film. I’ve watched it from beginning to end and I found a transcript from the film regarding the statement in question. Would you like me to read to you from the transcript?
O’REILLY
If you’d like. I don’t see the point, though.
KORNBUS
Oh, you will. This is directly from the movie. Here we go: “It turns out that the White House approved planes to pick up the bin Ladens and numerous other Saudis. At least six private jets and nearly two-dozen commercial planes carried the Saudis and the bin Ladens out of the U.S. after September 13. In all, 142 Saudis, including 24 members of the bin Laden family were allowed to leave the country.” Did you hear that, Mr O’Reilly? After September 13th!
O’REILLY
So?
KORNBUS
Do you know what the significance of that date is?
O’REILLY
No. Why don’t you tell me?
KORNBUS
September 13th is the very day that the FAA began lifting restrictions on air travel. In fact, it was between September 14th and September 24th that these bin Laden flights took place. That certainly qualifies as being after September 13th, as Michael Moore states in Fahrenheit 9/11. Wouldn’t you agree?
O’REILLY
I suppose.
KORNBUS
This information is all in the 9/11 Commission’s report. But you probably didn’t get to that part. Like with Michael Moore’s film, you had probably seen enough of it halfway through. No further questions, your Honor.
JUDGE
You may step down, Mr. O’Reilly.
(O’Reilly steps down)
JUDGE (cont’d)
We will once again take a two day recess before trial testimony will continue. Court is adjourned.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
THE TRIAL OF MICHAEL MOORE: DAY ONE
I saw Michael Moore’s latest film, Fahrenheit 9/11, on Monday so I could see for myself what all the talk was about. It was an amazing piece of filmmaking and I wasn’t disappointed at all. Well, maybe with the actions of George W. Bush I was, but certainly not with Michael Moore. After all, what did he do besides present a documentation of the bullshit that has been going on in this country since the conflict with Iraq began a year ago?
Now, his fans will tell you that Michael Moore is a working class guy from Michigan who goes out of his way to shine the light on the people in power who do wrong. However, his critics argue that Moore is an anti-American propagandist who makes money off of lies and distorted truths. So which is it? Was this film made up of lies and propaganda ? Or, did he simply expose a lot of politicians and beaurocrats for the liars they truly are? I’ve decided to hold a mock trial to find out.
Arguing for the prosecution will be the conservative radio host, Rush Limbaugh. I will be working for the defense. I am an avid fan of Mike’s work and, though I do not always agree with him, I promise to be objective while I faithfully uphold the duties of my position as his counsel. The judge will be simply known as “Judge.” It could be Judge Wapner, Judge Judy or Judge Ito for all the hell I know. But whoever it is you picture in your mind’s eye, you can rest assured that he or she will weigh the facts heavily before making his or her decision. Sound fair? Good. Let’s get on with the trial, shall we?
Opening Arguments
JUDGE:
This is case number 8099 on the docket, Republicans vs. Michael Moore. Please be seated, court is now in session. Staying with proper procedure, we will begin opening arguments with the prosecution. As I understand, Mr. Rush Limbaugh will be orating. Is this, correct?
LIMBAUGH:
Yes, your honor.
JUDGE:
Very well. Please begin.
LIMBAUGH: (Gets out of his chair, waddles around, begins speaking)
Anti-American. Propagandist. Liar. These are three words that all can accurately describe so-called filmmaker Michael Moore. These are not baseless charges, however. With the testimony of this collected of conservative voices, I intend to prove to you point by point the aspects of our case.
It is our contention that through the release of his latest film, Fahrenheit 9/11, Michael Moore has engaged in behavior that is not only dangerous to our national security, but aids terrorists by slandering President Bush.
We will offer a sufficient amount of evidence mined from Moore’s own film and books that will adequately convince you beyond a reasonable doubt that we are correct in our assessments. Thank you.
JUDGE:
Thank you, Mr. Limbaugh. The court will now hear the defense. Mr. Korbus, are you ready?
KORNBUS:
Yes, I’m ready. Thank you.
JUDGE:
Please begin.
KORNBUS:
Your honor, my client is innocent of the charges brought against him. Michael Moore is guilty of nothing more than trying to shed some light on an administration in Washington that has repeatedly deceived the public since the events of September 11th 2001. During the course of this trial, I will show that the right-wing of American politics has gone out of their way to slander and discredit Mr. Moore, with the goal of quieting dissent and a reasonable discussion of the issues.
Though I am a huge fan of his, I do not always agree with Michael Moore’s views or his solutions to the problems facing our nation. However, I completely defend his right to go on doing what he has been doing. And what does he do if not use his talent and celebrity to keep the wrongdoers of the nation in check?
There is an old saying that reads, “The price of liberty is eternal vigilance.” In other words, people who are free must always be on the lookout for other forces which will attempt to take away those precious freedoms. Michael Moore is one of the most vigilant men I know of. He believes in the freedom to say and do what you want, as long as you aren’t hurting another person. To criminalize freedom of speech, which is exactly what a guilty verdict would be doing, will not help anyone. No, in fact, it would hurt everyone by penalizing Americans for the freedoms guaranteed to them under the First Amendment. We cannot allow that to happen here today. Thank you.
Charge #1: Moore’s Film is One-Sided Propaganda
JUDGE
Mr. Limbaugh, call your first witness.
LIMBAUGH
The prosecution calls to the stand Mr. Sean Hannity
(HANNITY WALKS TO WITNESS CHAIR)
LIMBAUGH
Mr Hannity, you are a talk show host, correct?
HANNITY
Yes. I have a radio show I broadcast in the morning and I also have Hannity and Colmes, an hour-long show on the Fox News Channel.
LIMBAUGH
Are you familiar with Michael Moore and his latest movie, Fahrenheit 9/11?
HANNITY
Yes.
LIMBAUGH
And what are your views as it pertains to the movie?
HANNITY
Well, I would say it is clearly a one-sided attack on the Bush administration. It is not a documentary.
LIMBAUGH
Why is it not a documentary? Everyone is saying it is a documentary. People tell me it is the number one moneymaking documentary of all time. Please, explain yourself.
HANNITY
A documentary should provide an objective look at a situation. Fair and balanced reporting, if you will. It should not, as Michael Moore does frequently, offer opinion
LIMBAUGH
What about Fahrenheit 9/11 makes it un-objective?
HANNITY
Well, the movie does not give the Bush family a chance to respond to the allegations presented. Michael Moore says that the Bush family is basically in bed with the Saudi Royal Family, but Bush does not get the chance to retort.
LIMBAUGH
Ok, that’s one circumstance. Is there anything else you can point to?
HANNITY
Yes. There any many, really. But I’ll try to keep this short. The film makes claims that the Carlyle Group are war-profiteers, insinuating that they made a lot of money off of the terrorist attacks and the subsequent war in Iraq. The film also indicates that the Bush family has done business for years with the bin Laden’s and this was covered up to protect the current administration. These are all baseless charges. The Bush family, nor the administration is ever given a chance to answer to them.
LIMBAUGH
So it is your contention, Mr. Hannity, that Fahrenheit 9/11 is a one-sided attack on the Bush family and their respective administration. Is this correct?
HANNITY
Yes.
LIMBAUGH
Is it also your view that, because this film is one-sided, that the American people have been misled by Michael Moore into believing that President George W. Bush is unfit for office?
HANNITY
Yes. Very much so. I believe Michael Moore has intentionally and unfairly tried to skew the President’s tenure in an effort to discredit him as Commander-In-Chief.
LIMBAUGH
No further questions, your Honor.
JUDGE
Mr. Korbus, would you care to cross examine the witness?
KORNBUS
Yes, i would.
JUDGE
Proceed.
KORNBUS
Mr. Hannity, you’ve stated here in court today that Fahrenheit 9/11 is a one-sided attack on President Bush. I agree. It is one sided. But don’t you also feel that the controlled mass media has been one-sided in its approach to the war in Iraq as well?
HANNITY
How so?
KORNBUS
Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t remember Dan Rather or Tom Brokaw ever once seriously questioning the President’s call for war. If nothing else, the media played cheerleader to this aggression all along, wouldn’t you say?
HANNITY
Well, it is true that the country was behind the war effort, yes.
KORNBUS
And wouldn’t you say that the reason they were so solidly behind said war effort was because the media, including the Fox News Channel for you which you work, was pushing so hard for it?
HANNITY
I can’t say for sure.
KORNBUS
You can’t say? Would it be a fair statement to say that CBS and NBC Nightly News was pro-war?
HANNITY
Yes. That would be fair.
KORNBUS
And would it be fair to say that the Fox News Channel, deemed “the most trusted name in news,” was pro-war as well?
HANNITY
Yes, I suppose so.
KORNBUS
And would you agree that the reason people were so in favor of the war with Iraq was because they saw no reason to oppose it? After all, Saddam had weapons of mass destruction, right? Saddam helped plan 9/11 with Osama bin Laden, right?
HANNITY
Well, at the time...uh...err...there was no...
KORNBUS
At the time, Mr. Hannity, journalists had a responsibility to seek out the facts and report them to the American people. You and your colleagues failed to do that, sir. The network news journalists failed to do that as well. It has become clear that Saddam had no weapons of mass destruction. It has also become clear that he did not aid Osama bin Laden in the plot to carry out the attacks on 9/11. In fact, Osama bin Laden can’t stand Hussein can he?
HANNITY
That’s not true! There is an unspecified link between Iraq and Al-Qaeda.
KORNBUS
Unspecified link? Please, tell me more.
HANNITY
Well, all the facts haven’t come to light yet, so I really couldn’t actually...
KORNBUS
Face up to it, Mr. Hannity. There is no link between the two. You know this as well as I. Being in a position to help mold public opinion, you should have brought this to the attention of your viewing audience. You chose not to for reasons I cannot explain. If anything, that is the very definition of one-sided propaganda. No further questions.
JUDGE
You may step down, Mr. Hannity.
(Hannity leaves the stand)
JUDGE (cont’d)
At this time, we will take a recess. Court will resume in two days with further testimony and new evidence. Adjourned.
I saw Michael Moore’s latest film, Fahrenheit 9/11, on Monday so I could see for myself what all the talk was about. It was an amazing piece of filmmaking and I wasn’t disappointed at all. Well, maybe with the actions of George W. Bush I was, but certainly not with Michael Moore. After all, what did he do besides present a documentation of the bullshit that has been going on in this country since the conflict with Iraq began a year ago?
Now, his fans will tell you that Michael Moore is a working class guy from Michigan who goes out of his way to shine the light on the people in power who do wrong. However, his critics argue that Moore is an anti-American propagandist who makes money off of lies and distorted truths. So which is it? Was this film made up of lies and propaganda ? Or, did he simply expose a lot of politicians and beaurocrats for the liars they truly are? I’ve decided to hold a mock trial to find out.
Arguing for the prosecution will be the conservative radio host, Rush Limbaugh. I will be working for the defense. I am an avid fan of Mike’s work and, though I do not always agree with him, I promise to be objective while I faithfully uphold the duties of my position as his counsel. The judge will be simply known as “Judge.” It could be Judge Wapner, Judge Judy or Judge Ito for all the hell I know. But whoever it is you picture in your mind’s eye, you can rest assured that he or she will weigh the facts heavily before making his or her decision. Sound fair? Good. Let’s get on with the trial, shall we?
Opening Arguments
JUDGE:
This is case number 8099 on the docket, Republicans vs. Michael Moore. Please be seated, court is now in session. Staying with proper procedure, we will begin opening arguments with the prosecution. As I understand, Mr. Rush Limbaugh will be orating. Is this, correct?
LIMBAUGH:
Yes, your honor.
JUDGE:
Very well. Please begin.
LIMBAUGH: (Gets out of his chair, waddles around, begins speaking)
Anti-American. Propagandist. Liar. These are three words that all can accurately describe so-called filmmaker Michael Moore. These are not baseless charges, however. With the testimony of this collected of conservative voices, I intend to prove to you point by point the aspects of our case.
It is our contention that through the release of his latest film, Fahrenheit 9/11, Michael Moore has engaged in behavior that is not only dangerous to our national security, but aids terrorists by slandering President Bush.
We will offer a sufficient amount of evidence mined from Moore’s own film and books that will adequately convince you beyond a reasonable doubt that we are correct in our assessments. Thank you.
JUDGE:
Thank you, Mr. Limbaugh. The court will now hear the defense. Mr. Korbus, are you ready?
KORNBUS:
Yes, I’m ready. Thank you.
JUDGE:
Please begin.
KORNBUS:
Your honor, my client is innocent of the charges brought against him. Michael Moore is guilty of nothing more than trying to shed some light on an administration in Washington that has repeatedly deceived the public since the events of September 11th 2001. During the course of this trial, I will show that the right-wing of American politics has gone out of their way to slander and discredit Mr. Moore, with the goal of quieting dissent and a reasonable discussion of the issues.
Though I am a huge fan of his, I do not always agree with Michael Moore’s views or his solutions to the problems facing our nation. However, I completely defend his right to go on doing what he has been doing. And what does he do if not use his talent and celebrity to keep the wrongdoers of the nation in check?
There is an old saying that reads, “The price of liberty is eternal vigilance.” In other words, people who are free must always be on the lookout for other forces which will attempt to take away those precious freedoms. Michael Moore is one of the most vigilant men I know of. He believes in the freedom to say and do what you want, as long as you aren’t hurting another person. To criminalize freedom of speech, which is exactly what a guilty verdict would be doing, will not help anyone. No, in fact, it would hurt everyone by penalizing Americans for the freedoms guaranteed to them under the First Amendment. We cannot allow that to happen here today. Thank you.
Charge #1: Moore’s Film is One-Sided Propaganda
JUDGE
Mr. Limbaugh, call your first witness.
LIMBAUGH
The prosecution calls to the stand Mr. Sean Hannity
(HANNITY WALKS TO WITNESS CHAIR)
LIMBAUGH
Mr Hannity, you are a talk show host, correct?
HANNITY
Yes. I have a radio show I broadcast in the morning and I also have Hannity and Colmes, an hour-long show on the Fox News Channel.
LIMBAUGH
Are you familiar with Michael Moore and his latest movie, Fahrenheit 9/11?
HANNITY
Yes.
LIMBAUGH
And what are your views as it pertains to the movie?
HANNITY
Well, I would say it is clearly a one-sided attack on the Bush administration. It is not a documentary.
LIMBAUGH
Why is it not a documentary? Everyone is saying it is a documentary. People tell me it is the number one moneymaking documentary of all time. Please, explain yourself.
HANNITY
A documentary should provide an objective look at a situation. Fair and balanced reporting, if you will. It should not, as Michael Moore does frequently, offer opinion
LIMBAUGH
What about Fahrenheit 9/11 makes it un-objective?
HANNITY
Well, the movie does not give the Bush family a chance to respond to the allegations presented. Michael Moore says that the Bush family is basically in bed with the Saudi Royal Family, but Bush does not get the chance to retort.
LIMBAUGH
Ok, that’s one circumstance. Is there anything else you can point to?
HANNITY
Yes. There any many, really. But I’ll try to keep this short. The film makes claims that the Carlyle Group are war-profiteers, insinuating that they made a lot of money off of the terrorist attacks and the subsequent war in Iraq. The film also indicates that the Bush family has done business for years with the bin Laden’s and this was covered up to protect the current administration. These are all baseless charges. The Bush family, nor the administration is ever given a chance to answer to them.
LIMBAUGH
So it is your contention, Mr. Hannity, that Fahrenheit 9/11 is a one-sided attack on the Bush family and their respective administration. Is this correct?
HANNITY
Yes.
LIMBAUGH
Is it also your view that, because this film is one-sided, that the American people have been misled by Michael Moore into believing that President George W. Bush is unfit for office?
HANNITY
Yes. Very much so. I believe Michael Moore has intentionally and unfairly tried to skew the President’s tenure in an effort to discredit him as Commander-In-Chief.
LIMBAUGH
No further questions, your Honor.
JUDGE
Mr. Korbus, would you care to cross examine the witness?
KORNBUS
Yes, i would.
JUDGE
Proceed.
KORNBUS
Mr. Hannity, you’ve stated here in court today that Fahrenheit 9/11 is a one-sided attack on President Bush. I agree. It is one sided. But don’t you also feel that the controlled mass media has been one-sided in its approach to the war in Iraq as well?
HANNITY
How so?
KORNBUS
Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t remember Dan Rather or Tom Brokaw ever once seriously questioning the President’s call for war. If nothing else, the media played cheerleader to this aggression all along, wouldn’t you say?
HANNITY
Well, it is true that the country was behind the war effort, yes.
KORNBUS
And wouldn’t you say that the reason they were so solidly behind said war effort was because the media, including the Fox News Channel for you which you work, was pushing so hard for it?
HANNITY
I can’t say for sure.
KORNBUS
You can’t say? Would it be a fair statement to say that CBS and NBC Nightly News was pro-war?
HANNITY
Yes. That would be fair.
KORNBUS
And would it be fair to say that the Fox News Channel, deemed “the most trusted name in news,” was pro-war as well?
HANNITY
Yes, I suppose so.
KORNBUS
And would you agree that the reason people were so in favor of the war with Iraq was because they saw no reason to oppose it? After all, Saddam had weapons of mass destruction, right? Saddam helped plan 9/11 with Osama bin Laden, right?
HANNITY
Well, at the time...uh...err...there was no...
KORNBUS
At the time, Mr. Hannity, journalists had a responsibility to seek out the facts and report them to the American people. You and your colleagues failed to do that, sir. The network news journalists failed to do that as well. It has become clear that Saddam had no weapons of mass destruction. It has also become clear that he did not aid Osama bin Laden in the plot to carry out the attacks on 9/11. In fact, Osama bin Laden can’t stand Hussein can he?
HANNITY
That’s not true! There is an unspecified link between Iraq and Al-Qaeda.
KORNBUS
Unspecified link? Please, tell me more.
HANNITY
Well, all the facts haven’t come to light yet, so I really couldn’t actually...
KORNBUS
Face up to it, Mr. Hannity. There is no link between the two. You know this as well as I. Being in a position to help mold public opinion, you should have brought this to the attention of your viewing audience. You chose not to for reasons I cannot explain. If anything, that is the very definition of one-sided propaganda. No further questions.
JUDGE
You may step down, Mr. Hannity.
(Hannity leaves the stand)
JUDGE (cont’d)
At this time, we will take a recess. Court will resume in two days with further testimony and new evidence. Adjourned.
